Changing Faces
by comet80
Summary: Billie knew moving to Tulsa wasn't such a hot idea. But when she meets Sodapop Curtis, she thinks maybe,just maybe, she can get used to it. But when Soda finds out her secret, her life gets turned upsidedown.
1. Chapter 1

_**So, here's a fic inspired the the fic called **All The Girls Love Alice**. Which you all should read because it's an amazing twist to the "girl comes to town" thing . And major props to Aero and La belle nuit who got to hear the ramblings of the story while it was in my head. **_

**_Disclaimer: I only own Billie and her family. _**

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I straightened my bedspread one last time before Mother could yell at me again. We were getting ready for our new neighbors to come over for dinner, and Mother was very stressed about it.

I don't understand why; they're just a bunch of dumb boys. But mother insisted that it's the polite thing to do. Inviting our new neighbors over, that is. I have to keep reminding her that _we're_ the new neighbors, not them. They're just some boys that live across the street.

We moved here from Chicago about a week ago, because of my mother's new job as a nurse, and because Mom wanted to get away from it all. All being my dad, mostly. She and him divorced a few years ago, and I'd like to say it wasn't my fault, but I know it is.

My brother pounded that into my head right after Dad left, and for the longest time I heard my mother say: "Why can't you be normal like Peter, William?"

You can already guess I'm not normal, and that my name's William. Well, that's what my mom calls me. And my dad, and Peter. I'd perfer to be called Billie, or Billie Rebecca. But the only person who calls me that is my best friend Julie, and she's back in Chicago.

Julie's the only person I feel that actually understood me, and she's the one who started to call me Billie. But then of course, as soon as we became best friends my mom says she hates the city and wants to leave.

So she writes a letter to Peter, sells our tiny apartment, packs up our things, and in a matter of hours we're in the car on a fourteen hour drive to Tulsa, Oklohoma. She kept going on about how I can start over and be "normal" and then starts talking about how she misses Peter.

I then have to tell her how I'm not going to change just because I'm in a new place, and that Peter's going to be fine and be home safe and sound in a few months. She just nods her head and then goes on more about how she can't wait to see him, and everything he's missed.

Mom adores Peter. Then again, everyone does. He's the steryotypical "golden child," and I'm, well, not. He made the good grades, captain of the football team, dated head cheerleader, loved by everybody. He had good enough grades to go to to any college he wanted to go to, but he did the most idiotic thing one could think of.

He skipped out on college so he could join the army and volunteer to go to Vietnam. Mom wasn't happy about it, but she said "he is an adult and can make his own decisions." He was one of those rare people you'd meet that would willingly volunteer to be in a war that wasn't our fight.

He said that his country needed him, and that we should give Vietnam the freedom that we had. Mom dabbed her eyes with a hankerchief as he left, and I just called him the biggest moron in the universe.

His girlfriend sobbed her heart out and said" Dead or alive, I'm marrying you." I tried to get the image of her marrying my brother's corpse out of my head, but it wasn't working, and her babbling wasn't helping.

She kept going on about how her little sister was in love with me, and I had to keep telling her I wasn't interested in her little sister. That broad is eight, and I'm fifteen. Then Mom had to open her big mouth and say"William, you're not interested in _any_ girls yet." Then she turned her focus back towards the road and said, "He's a late bloomer." Like it was the most casual thing in the world.

When we got home that afternoon, Mother sat me down telling me how rude I was to Bethany and then told me the news that she wanted to move. She kept using the words "start over" and saying I could be the boy everyone envied, just like Peter.

I told her no, and that I wasn't ever going to be like Peter, and that I was never going to get into girls and that I liked boys. She was heart broken at the news, and said that she'll try to understand the situation, and that it wasn't going to be easy. I was always going to be her "Willykins."

That was a month ago.

Now, I'm sitting on my bed deciding what to wear when the stupid neighbors come. I'm opting for the light pink skirt and matching sweater I bought at Sears for my "sister", but before I could even try the clothes on, in comes Mom with a decision for me.

"William, I want you to at least dress like a boy tonight, alright? I laid out one of Peter's old suits for you."

I didn't pay attention to her. I was trying this thing where I didn't pay attention to my old name, so I could get used to my new name.

"William? William, William, answer me."

Mother was starting to get angry. "William Randolph Clark, answer me this instant!"

I sighed. I couldn't get out of not answering my full name. "Billie."

"What?"

"Billie. Mom, my name is _Billie_, remember? Billie Rebecca Clark."

Mom sighed. "Oh right, _that_." She looked back and forth between the suit and me and let out another sigh. "You don't have to wear the suit then, dear, but _please_ at least wear some pants. We don't want to be scaring the new neighbors away before we even get to know them."

"I don't even want to get to know them," I muttered.

"What was that, dear?"

"Nothing," I replied smiling. "I just said I was going to wear my blue jeans and Petey's old shirt."

Mom grinned, kissing the top of my head. "That's my boy," she said to me with out thinking. I shot her a look. "I'm sorry," she apoligized. "It's going to take some time knowing you aren't going to be my little Willykins anymore."

"_Mom._" I blushed. "I'm still the same person I always was, I just don't have to hide the other side anymore. But I'm still me!"

She kept on smiling. "I know. I just don't want this to cause any problems. Now run upstairs and get changed, our neightbors are coming over in half an hour."

She kissed my cheek as I ran upstairs to throw on a pair of jeans and Peter's old shirt. I came back down in a few minutes, as she just smiled handing me a comb. "Comb out the tangles, dear. You're lucky."

"Why's that?" I asked, combing through some of my bedhead locks.

"Most of the boys here in Tulsa have long hair. I saw some on the street on my way back from the grocery store, and most of them have some long hair compared to the boys I'm used to seeing. You're pretty lucky they wear their hair that long, and that I'm not going to make you cut it before you start school next week."

I ran my fingers through some of the strands of hair. "But I'm not a _boy_, Mom. I'm a girl."

She didn't know how to answer. "Well, um, I just didn't want to go through the same drama that happened at your old school."

I shook my head. "That won't happen, Ma. I'll make sure it won't."

She shook her head, not believing me. "We'll talk about this later, honey. The new neighbors are here!"

She opened the door to show me one of the most beautiful men I'd ever laid my eyes on. I think just maybe I'm going to like Tulsa.

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**_Review?_**


	2. Chapter 2

**_Thank you for the reviews! :) Special thanks to Aero, who's been hearing of this story more than she probably wants to. Let me know if I have any typos or anything, 'cause god knows what writing at midnight does to you!_**

**_Disclaimer: I don't own The Outsiders, or that little song quote!_**

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**Chapter 2**

_Sugar, spice, and everything nice, wasn't made for only girls_

_-King For A Day,Green Day_

The three men stood there at my door, all of them dressed in some of their somewhat finest clothes with fake grins plastered to their faces. Mother glared at me, coughing as if to get my attention. I didn't get the hint as I peeked out the door, looking around for the rest of their family.

"Your parents are coming too, right?" I asked, noticing the smiles fall. Then the one that had the biggest grin, and was obviously the middle boy, shook his head. "No, they're dead."

"Oh." I didn't know how to respond to that, as my mother over heard him. She quickly rushed over to give them all hugs and a"I'm so sorry! Are you boys alright?"

The two younger ones just shrugged. I guess they were used to the question and reaction.

"Well just don't stand there," my mother said to the boys, nudging me. "Come on in. Dinner will be ready in a few minutes, but you guys get yourself acquainted in the living room. Willy, show them the living room, will you, hon?"

I let out an awkward cough, letting my mom know the mistake she made. She corrected herself and plastered a smile on her face. "Anyways, I've left out some cheese and crackers for you to snack on before dinner. My name's Annette, or Mrs. Clark, which ever you prefer, and I'll be in the kitchen if anyone needs anything."

I watched Mom leave, and even though she embarrassed me like no tomorrow, I was glad she was my mom. All other moms would probably try to send me to a mental institution, or some church or something to "fix" me. But not my mom. Ever since she accidentally saw me playing dress up in her old dress with the neighbor back in Chicago, she's been trying her best to understand what I'm going through. Even if it meant divorcing Dad.

But that doesn't mean she was always so understanding. She didn't mention the situation that happened until about a year later--when I clomped into her room wearing an old pair of high heels exclaiming: "I'm a pretty girl, Momma. Momma, I'm a pretty girl." Her face turned pale white at my words. According to her, eleven year old boys aren't supposed to be wearing high heels.

That's when the endless visits to the shrinks started. After six or seven visits to three or four different shrinks, she gave up. I was about to turn thirteen, and what I wanted most for my "coming of age present" was a bra.

That's when Mom and Dad started fighting. Mom knew deep down that I wasn't going through a phase, and that I really did think I was a girl. Dad, on the other hand, said it was her fault for babying me, and treating me like a "fucking pansy." Dad wanted to send me to a thousand different church camps to "fix" me, and enrolled me in every possible man activity he could think of.

We weren't rich, and Mom kept telling him that we couldn't afford to send me to all those places, and tried reassuring him with the "it's just a phase" thing. He just rolled his eyes and told her that his son was a "fucking confused piece of shit" and that he "needed some desperate help."

When my birthday came around a month and a half later, I found a small package wrapped in pretty paper on my bed, and when I opened it, it was the exact gift I wanted: a bra. Dad soon found out about it, more fighting, and it ended with Mom throwing his favorite coffee mug against the wall, and a loud, "I WANT A DIVORCE!"

They had two very different opinions on me, and for the longest time in our new-now old- apartment Peter kept telling me how I should have asked for a jock strap like he did for his thirteenth birthday. I cringed at that thought, not wanting to think of my brother and things like that. I shifted in my seat uncomfortably staring at the three boys sitting on the couch across from me.

We all just sat there for what felt like forever as I twisted a lock of hair around my finger, waiting for one of them to break the silence. I certainly wasn't going to do it. I wasn't good at talking to strangers, and this whole invite the neighbors was Mom's idea.

One of them finally had the courage to speak up. "Nice place you got here."

"Really?" I blushed a little bit. "It's all my mom's work. I'm not the greatest interior decorator around." I could feel my cheeks reddening as he just smiled at me. "My names, uhm, my name's," I said, feeling really nervous. My eyes darted from my mom to the boys before I could say my name. "My names Billie. Billie Rebecca. But uh, you can just call me Billie if you want."

The boy with the handsome grin smiled at me. "M'names Sodapop, and that's my brother Ponyboy and my brother Darry." He pointed at the youngest one and the oldest one, watching me trying to hold back the giggles. Being polite was easier said than done, especially with those goofy names.

"No, seriously, what's your name? I'm not going to judge you on your names, no matter how much you hate them."

"Those are our real names," the younger boy snapped, then started staring at me making me feel uncomfortable.

We didn't have anything else to say to each other as we sat in the living room, all waiting for Mom to call us for dinner. I picked at a cracker I was holding, just wanting tonight to be over with. Pony-what's-his-face- couldn't seem to control his wandering eyes. Maybe he just thought this house looked different than before?

At half past six, Mother called us in for dinner, all four of us taking our seats. The handsome one was about to reach over to grab a plate of mashed potatoes as my mother caught his hand. "Not yet. Lemonade, is it? We have to say grace. Wil-Billie?" She looked over at me with a see-I-remembered-your-name-grin.

I sighed. I wasn't the religious one in the family, but you can't exactly let your mother know that. So I bowed my head, reciting the exact prayer I've been saying for God knows how long. It was the same prayer I used to stand on my chair and recite when I first started saying grace at the table, and clearly one only a child could get away with. "God is great. God is good. Let us thank him for our food. Amen."

There was a chorus of "Amens" at the table as Mom began passing around the plate full of slices of meatloaf. "Hope you boys are hungry, I made plenty." I watched the boys use manners I didn't know they had, as they each took only what they felt they could eat.

So maybe they did know manners. Mom took the opportunity during dinner to ask them a million questions. I don't know why, but she's done this with every other neighbor we've ever had. "What did you say you boy's names were again?"

The oldest one spoke up this time. "My names Darry, and those are my brothers Sodapop and Ponyboy." He pointed at the two other boys as he said their names.

Mom then waited a minute before asking them a million other questions. By the end of dinner I learned that Ponyboy and I are going to be in the same grade, Darry has two jobs, Sodapop's a drop out and works at a gas station a few blocks away, and a bunch of other things I didn't really care about.

Mom sent us back into the living room after dinner, while she did the dishes. I could see Ponyboy and Darry having some sort of conversation-or argument- with their eyes and whispers. I didn't have a clue what that was about, as Soda came over sitting next to me.

"So, your name's Billie?"

"Yeah."

"How'd a girl like you end up with a name like that?"

I shrugged, staring down at the floor nervously. I noticed how old his shoes were with holes all over them before looking back up at him, avoiding eye contact. "I-I just did," I replied softly. I shifted in my seat, not wanting to tell him that I actually picked the name out myself.

"It's just-" He started in a worried tone, afraid of offending me."I've never heard of a chick named Billie before. I thought it was a boys name."

"Yeah, you're not the first one to say that."

"Don't get me wrong," he said trying to defend his earlier thoughts. "It's a nice name; it fits you."

"It 'fits me.' How does a name 'fit me,' when you don't even know me?"

"It just does. You look like a Billie."

"How did I look like a Billie?" I asked. "You didn't look like a Sodapop!"

"You just did, I can't explain it." He laughed, " What did I look like?"

I shrugged. "I dunno, an Allen?" I giggled. That name didn't fit him at all. He was right, Sodapop was the only name that fit him.

He blinked, looking at me with some crazy look in his eyes. He was smiling, holding in some laughter. "An _Allen_?"

"I-I guess. Maybe?" I didn't know what to say, as he kept of grinning.

"You're an alright girl, Billie," he replied, his eyes twinkling. "Maybe we could get a Coke sometime."

"I-I," I stuttered, not knowing what to say. I wanted to tell him to go away, and that he shouldn't get involved with a girl like me, but I didn't. He was falling for everything I wanted a boy to believe I was, and when I saw him flash me that grin of his I couldn't say no.

"Sure. I'd love to go get a Coke with you sometime."


	3. Chapter 3

**_Long time no update? That's what I get for not bein' able to get access to internet on my laptop. HUGE props to Aero for listenin' to my crap, as to la belle nuit. I don't know what I'd do with out ya, chickas! :) And major love to my reviewers...all 8 of you. ): _**

**_Also: Let me know of any typos's...spell check says im perfect today._**

**_Disclaimer: Don't own the boys, just Billie, Peter, an' her Mommy an' Dad. Everyone else belongs to the fabulous Susie._**

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**Chapter 3**

I didn't have a chance to see Soda for the rest of the weekend. He had to work, and I had to help Mom with unpacking more of our stuff. Well, technically, it was _Peter's _stuff. And when we did have time, it wasn't enough to do anything but talk a little. So he made the promise that if I stopped by the DX on Monday after school, we'd go out for Cokes when he got off work. He told me he usually got off around six on Monday through Thursdays, since they weren't as busy as weekends, and he always had the day shift those days.

It was Monday, also known as the day Soda and I would go get cokes. I didn't count it as a date; we were just two friends getting to know each other. It was also my first day of school, and I was having a big clothing crisis. I really wanted to wear a skirt and a blouse I got for Christmas from my best friend Julie, but Mom didn't think it was so hot for me to wear girl clothes to school.

She said that she might have to talk to the school about the "situation," but only if it seemed like it was going to turn out bad. I didn't want her to talk to the school, but at the same time I did. It had my favorite upside to the situation at my old school: I was exempt from gym class. A lot of the other girls were jealous and my gym teacher was really nice about it. The principle at that school just said it was "some fancy medical condition" and therefore I was exempt from the physical part of gym class. I got to sit on the bleachers and had to do worksheets related to what we were learning, and very seldom I actually had to do something physical, like the square dancing unit.

I ended up putting on a pair of shorts on underneath my skirt, just in case. Mom told me to put a pair of jeans in my knapsack, but I ignored her. I wasn't thinking, and I wanted to leave earlier than usual so I could get to school on time.

I managed to get to school a little bit early, but I couldn't go directly to class, whatever classes I had. I had to go to the main office and get my locker combination and all the rest of the stuff before I could even go to class.

When all the new student stuff was done, I grabbed my list of classes and went up the stairs to my first class. I was a little late, and when I entered the room the class all turned their heads in my direction. I guess new students were rare.

"Hello...," The teacher said, putting his glasses on, squinting at the words on the paper. "William."

I blushed. "Actually, my names Billie."

He chuckled. "My nephew goes by Billy," he stated, then stared at my clothes. "Excuse me, um, Billie, but I don't know about your old school, but here boys wear pants."

I felt my cheeks redden. "I'm not a boy, uhm, sir." I smiled weakly.

The teacher looked at me like I was a moron. "But your file says you're a boy named William. The files don't make mistakes. I would advise you to wear pants tomorrow, _boy_ pants."

I heard a few snickers as he continued. "I don't know what you've been taught, but God doesn't make mistakes, and if he intended for you to be a boy, than you are. You will dress like any other male in my classroom, understand?"

I nodded weakly as the tears leaked out. I wanted to tell him I wasn't a boy, but a girl. That God intended for me to be a girl, and all that junk he believed. But I knew I wouldn't win. He was a teacher, and teachers won over students. They always did.

I didn't make another sound in that class, and was really, really, glad when it was over. I was extremely relieved when I found out my next glass was government; that class usually was my best subject. As soon as I got into the classroom, I knew this class was going to be more fun than the previous.

The classroom was covered in articles and anti-war posters and even an old picket sign with the words:"_Hey Hey LBJ How Many Men Have You Killed Today?_" I could tell from the classroom appearance my teacher was going to be a hippie, and frankly, I was glad to know some open-minded teachers existed in Tulsa.

As soon as she entered the room, I went up to her desk and hoped it wouldn't be like it was in the previous class. She was young for a teacher, she must've been new.

"Um, hi. I'm the um, the new-"

"Student?" She finished for me as I nodded. "Welcome to the class." She introduced herself to me as she skimmed through the role. I don't know what I was doing as I blurted out: "I know the role says my name is William, but uh, no one calls me that. My name is Billie. Billie Clark."

She just smiled at me. "Well, Billie, just take a seat." She handed me a text book as I took a seat near the back of the row. The other kids filed into their seats and halfway through the lesson she looked at me. "Billie?" She asked," Can I talk to you outside for a minute?"

I gulped. I hated getting in trouble, and awkward situations. Especially awkward situations where I was in trouble. I followed her outside into the hallway as she shut the door behind her.

"Billie, I've been reading your files, and it says your legal name is William, correct?"

I nodded. "But I go by Billie. I'm not a boy."

She just nodded her head. "Is that why you're in a skirt? Because you're a girl?"

I just nodded slowly. If she was asking me why I wore a skirt, then it was pointless. I'm a girl, girls wear skirts. Boys don't.

She just smiled. "Are you protesting 'the man'? Or freedom of expression? Or do you really believe you are a girl?"

I bit on my lip. Why was it so hard for people to understand that I'm not a boy? I just shrugged my shoulders slightly. "I'm a girl," I said again weakly. "I'm not a boy, but everyone says I am."

She just nodded her head. "It may be hard for you to believe Billie, but you aren't alone. There are other people like you."

I blinked. "There are?"

"Oh yeah," she said. "In fact, I used to have a brother named Larry. Well, Larry was his birth name. But he didn't go by Larry, he went by Laura. He was exactly like you, he was a girl trapped in a boy body. The world didn't understand him, and my father sent him to a camp to 'get better' and he ended up killing himself."

I didn't know what to say. I knew about one of those church camps. My dad tried to send me to one, and I went, and it was horrible. They would yell at you, and make you write bible verses and scare the living shit out of you. Some even got physical by whipping you and saying that queer sex hurts you physically and emotionally.

It doesn't. I know. I once had a boyfriend. It was this guy that was my other best friend. In fact, before Julie and I became best friends, he and I were really good friends. His name was Frankie and we were inseparable. One day he came up to me and said he that he thought the linebacker on our school's football team made him feel _happy_ inside. He said he never felt that way with a girl before.

I just turned fourteen, and he was almost fifteen. One day he invited me over to his house, and we went into his room. He put on an _Elvis_ record and then fucked me. He fucked me until he saw the beams of sweat coming down my face.

"Will," he panted. "Wills, I want -pant- you to be my boy."

I didn't know what to say. I wanted to tell him that I was pretty sure I wasn't a boy, and that's why my parents were getting divorced. I lied to him earlier saying that my parents were getting a divorce because of Peter wanting to fight in the war.

I agreed anyways. I liked boys; I always had. Frankie and I went out a few times until the time I showed up in a skirt. He stared at me and then blinked before hissing. "What the _fuck_ are you wearing that shit for, Wills?"

I blushed and told him I was a girl. He scrunched his face up and that was the end of that.

"So Billie," the teacher continued. "I know I'm supposed to report you for wearing 'girl clothes,' but I won't. I know the other teachers will, but in my classroom, I will respect your wishes and do what I feel is right. I know you know exactly who you are, and if you ever need to talk to someone, I'm here for you."

Again, I was speechless. "Why are you doing this?"

She smiled again. "Because, I saw what Laura went through, and I know she would've wanted me to help out a person like her. Now, run along back to class, eh? And if anyone asks, we were talking about your previous school's grading curriculum."

I nodded my head and went back to class. Finally, someone was on my side.

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**_Review? Next chapter comin' Asap, I've got school startin' soon, so expect some slower updates while I'm getting used to college life. _**


	4. Chapter 4

**_Hi! I know the update wasn't such a long time ago, but here's one that sha;; last you a while. I just started college classes today, so if my updating is slower, its because of homework. And special thanks to Aero,La belle nuit, Writersblock, and all the reviewers and someone has a special cameo! See if you can find her (:_**

**_Disclaimer:Only own Billie..._**

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**Chapter 4**

The rest of my classes weren't that great. After I left government, was English. It wasn't that great, it was to be expected. The teacher fussed at me for my clothing, and at lunch I sat with no one. Since Soda was technically my only friend, and he didn't go to school, I was basically alone.

When gym came, that worried me. I didn't like gym, and my situation made it worse. Not to mention, Sodapop's little brother was in my class, and I think he hates me. I got lucky and since it was my first day, I didn't have to dress out. Instead, my teacher said the principle wanted to see me.

Fun. My first day of school and already I'm in trouble. I shifted the bag on my shoulder and took the walk back to the office. The secretary just nodded her head when I said who I was, and I went back to the principal's office.

"Clark?"

I nodded.

"Very well. I see you have an," he searched for words. "interesting? Yes, interesting choice of wardrobe. Now, you're not in trouble. Your mother called me earlier today, and tried her best to explain a situation like this. It's something I'm new too, so please bear with me."

I just nodded, biting on my lip.

"I understand –from what I have been told- that you believe you are a female, is that correct?"

"Yes sir." I nodded.

"Well, I'd like to inform you that we _do_ have a dress code at Will Rogers High. Men wear pants, and women wear skirts or dresses. Teachers included. Now, teachers have a right to write you up if you disobey the dress code, William."

"Billie," I said. "My name is Billie."

"Alright, _Billie_ then. Even if you think you are female, you still have to abide by the _male_ dress code. Physically, you are a male, and you will dress like one. Do I make myself clear?"

I nodded, quietly. I didn't want to have to be stuck wearing pants. I didn't hate them; they just showed the bulge I wish they didn't show.

"I have told your teachers to call you Billie, and they will do so. As for gym," he replied, giving me a look. "-yes, you still have to take gym-" He tossed me some keys. "You can use the faculty's bathroom by the gym to change for gym class. Only I and the night janitor have the keys, so you will be fine." He handed me a note to hand to the teacher. "Your teacher is usually very understanding when it comes to medical conditions."

I just nodded along with what he was saying. There was no use arguing, and there wasn't much to argue about. I didn't have a medical condition, but if that is what it took to let me change alone, I was going to take it.

The principle sent me back to my next and final class of the day, which was Chemistry. I was not great at science, and so far, my teacher didn't seem to care about anything except the class copying the notes off the blackboard.

The girl across the classroom kept staring at me for some strange reason, and eventually threw a wad of paper at me when the teacher wasn't looking. I glared over at her, and then focused my attention back to my notes.

Another paper hit me, and I tried to ignore it, but it wasn't working. I heard the girl whisper something to her friend or something, and then threw another paper wad at me. I sighed, and threw one back at her as she made a face.

I bit on my lip, hissing. "What's your problem?"

She just grinned and shrugged. "Nothing," she whispered. "I'm bored."

I rolled my eyes. "Well, can you _please_ stop? "

The teacher caught the both of us, and cleared his throat. "Detention, both of you, after school."

I let out a big sigh. I can't say I've never had detention before, because I have. I always got stuck with the teachers who were picky on the little subjects, like dress codes, or language, or stuff that shouldn't really matter, but does.

With my mom working her new job now, she told me that she wouldn't be home until about seven each night on Monday through Thursdays, so I was stuck alone heating up casseroles for dinner. So detention would probably waste more time, and give me something to do, other than watching reruns on television, or rereading some book.

When the final bell of the day rang, the class hurried out of the classroom as the teacher scribbled something on two yellow pieces of paper handing one to each of us. He told us to go up the stairs to room 201 for detention.

The other girl just rolled her eyes and walked off, ignoring his every word. I, on the other hand, did as I was told and went up to the second floor, and into the room where detention was being held. I handed the teacher the slip of paper and took a seat in the middle of a row, next to a boy with rust colored hair.

I pulled out the book I was reading, trying to ignore the chattering from the boy and the girl across from him. The same girl that got me put here in the first place.

"Psst, Bitty! Bitty," She whispered. "Hey Bitty, you got those math answers for me?" She asked. I tried to ignore what I was hearing, but it was hard seeing as the boy was next to me.

"Sure do." He grinned. "How much are ya gonna pay me?" He asked her with a wink. The girl smirked, and I did not want to see them going at it right here.

"Hows about I repay you by not telling what happened at Buck's last night?"

"You run a tough bargain, baby." The girl just smirked again, and the boy must've known what she was up to, and gave in, sliding her some math answers. "Fair deal."

I went back to my book, but I couldn't read. I pulled out my sketch pad instead, preparing to draw something I saw out the window. Drawing was something I loved to do. I could draw places and animals so realistically, but ask me to draw a person, well, unless it was a cartoon style, I couldn't do it.

Drawing and painting were the only artistic skills I had. I could paint the animals I drew, but other than drawing and painting, I was terrible at art. Once, when I had to make a craft for Mother's Day in school, it came out so terrible, I didn't know what it was. Neither did anyone else, except Mom. But then, mothers supposedly know what everything is that their child is making.

Peter is terrible at art. Once, he tried to draw a family portrait, and we all ended up looking the same. Even Mom looked like a boy in a triangle shaped body. He was lucky he got Dad's athletic genes, which I sort of got.

I had little athletic ability. I had to do little league as a child, as most little boys did. It was my dad's idea. I wasn't half bad at it; I hit one or two home runs, and I could pitch okay. I also swam in the summer at some neighborhood pool, since Mom said it was a good way to get out of the house. When we quit that community pool to go to another, Mom signed me up for a swim team.

I didn't love it, even if I was good at it. Mom said it was the perfect sport for me, since it didn't require much socializing, but I was glad to quit. Now, I just focus on art and theater. I liked painting the sets at my old school, but I wasn't so sure for here.

The boy across from me looked at my paper. "What'cha drawin'?"

I shrugged, and went back to shade the bird. "A bird." I bent my head over the paper, so he couldn't see what I was doing. But that didn't stop him from talking to me.

"So how'd a girl like you get detention?"

I shrugged again. "Being bad, I guess. I don't know."

"No shit," he muttered. "'Cause we're all so damn innocent."

"Can you just leave me alone now please?" I asked. "I'd like to finish this drawing."

"I could," he replied with a grin. "Or you can tell me your name." He winked at me, and I felt myself go red.

I bit on my lip, deciding if I should tell him my name or not. It seemed like he was hitting on me, but at the same time, he could have not been. "It's Billie," I said. "My name's Billie."

He had an amused look on his face. "Ain't that a boy name?" I shrugged my shoulders as he continued to talk. "I ain't ever knew of a chick named Billie. I knew this guy once named Billy. You ain't a guy, are ya?" He asked.

I shrugged again, going red. "I don't, I mean, I guess not?"

He laughed. "You sure? Want me to help you find out?"

"No thank you," I replied politely. "I'm not interested."

He found this remark more amusing than my name. "You know, they got places for you 'not interested' types." It took me a minute for what he was saying to register what he was saying.

"I like boys," I whispered quietly like it was a bad thing. I guess in a way it was. "I just…" I didn't know how to answer, my eyes darting around the room for an answer. "I want to wait until I'm married."

He seemed taken aback at my answer, and I was beginning to get how some of the guys were in Tulsa. I quickly changed the subject back to what we were talking about before he started in on other stuff I didn't like talking about. "Like I said, I've already got a boy I'm interested in, and it ain't you."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah," I said. "You probably don't know him. His name is Sodapop and-"

"Sodapop?" He asked, raising his eyebrow.

"Yeah, I didn't believe him when he said his name either. But it is; he swears it is."

The boy chuckled. "I know it is," he told me, and he rolled his eyes. I felt real awful right then, the boy continued. "He's a pretty good buddy of mine..."

I frowned. That was real perfect of me, talking about someone's friend like that. "Oh..." I didn't know what else to say

"There ain't two Sodas in the whole world--much less in Tulsa. Course I know who he is..." He seemed to be talking more to himself than me, but I still didn't say anything.

"Oh," I said again weakly. "He's my, he's my... new neighbor. I mean, I'm the new neighbor…"

"Yeah?" He said, "Guess you'll be seein' lots of me."

I let out a small groan and went back to working on my picture until it was time to leave. When the hour was up, I packed away my things, excited about going to the DX to meet Soda. Only problem was, I didn't know my way to the place.

"See you around, baby!" The boy called after me. I couldn't help but grin a little bit; he had a certain charm about him. He was annoying, but it was in some strange good way, if that makes any sense.

"Yeah, whatever," I replied, stopping in my tracks. I needed to know how to get to the DX from here, and I didn't want to be late. "Hey wait!" I called back to the boy," Do you by any chance know of this place called the DX?"

He turned around and fixed me with a grin. As charming as it was, I wasn't about to let him know I didn't think he was that bad of a guy. "I'm meeting Soda…"

"Of course you are," he muttered. I didn't know what that quite meant, but I'm guessing Soda went on lots of dates.

"So, do you know the way or not?" I asked, placing my hands on my hips. I was beginning to get annoyed of him not giving me the answers I needed, or wanted.

"'Course I _know the way_. What kinda guy in Tulsa doesn't know where the DX is?" He looked at me standing there, books in hand, just looking lost and confused. Which I was, to be honest. He muttered something to himself then looked at me and chuckled, "It's 'bout time I pay ole Sodapop a visit anyways. Hop in Billie goat, an' I'll give ya a ride." He gave the horn a honk, causing me to get in the disgusting looking car.

I got in hesitantly. There was food all over the place, along with other objects I've never seen in a car. "You ever clean this place?" I asked him as he shook his head.

"Nah, it ain't that dirty. Shoot, it's cleaner than my room." I made a mental note not to pay a visit to his room.

"You sure you don't want to clean this place? I mean, what do ya need a plate for?"

He chuckled, "what are ya, the clean police? 'Sides, y'never know when you might need some of this stuff." He took notice of me trying to sit as far away from the back of the seat as possible. I would have tried to sit in the air instead of on the seat if there was a way I could. "Shoot Billie, sittin' won't kill ya."

"But that potato chip might," I stated, pointing at a yellow-orange object with black things under it.

He looked at what I was pointing at. "Chipy? Nah, he ain't gonna hurt no one, 'Specially a chick."

I looked at him strangely. He named the thing? I didn't even want to know and decided to turn on his radio. He didn't seem to mind until I skipped right over Elvis and straight to the Beach Boys. He raised an eyebrow at me, and turned the dial back to the station playing Elvis.

He cocked an eyebrow. "The Beach Boys?" He snickered. He shook his head and swatted my hands away from the radio before flipping it back to an Elvis song I've heard to many times.

"You don't like it?" I asked, and broke my own rule of not touching his seat. I leaned back and gave a pout. "Elvis is rank," I stated.

"You're rank," he shot back, but I could tell it was good-natured. I just shook my head.

"Nah, Elvis is. He ain't gonna be the king no more."

"Elvis will _always_ be the king," he said, putting in his last thought. He left it at that and started singing to an Elvis song.

I plugged my ears as he gripped the steering wheel and quickly switched it to The Beach Boys before he could notice. He took notice of what I did and didn't even bother changing the station. He sang as off-key as he could and I could tell he was butchering the song. Whether it was on purpose or not, I couldn't tell.

It became a game, him butchering every song I played on the radio. It was fun, too. I'd play whatever was on the radio and he'd sing it, regardless of knowing the real words or not. If he didn't know the words, he'd make them up. It was a funny sight, too. We played the game until he got bored or tired of what we were doing and stopped.

I took notice then of how bad of a driver he was. Well, he wasn't _bad_per say, but he wasn't all that good either. He was speeding, and I was beginning to feel a little queasy. Then again, I think I saw "Chipy" move.

"You sure you don't want to slow down?" I asked.

"And let them slow pokes beat me?" He laughed,"Going fast won't kill ya, Billie goat. It's quicker than waiting for all those signs."

"Can you at least put your seat belt on?" I asked him. He just laughed again, which I assumed he did a lot of.

"What for? You a safety nut or something?"

I shook my head. "I just don't wanna die, that's all."

"You ain't gonna die, Bill. I ain't never been in a car crash yet. Just some minor accidents caused by those damn Socs."

I was so confused. What the hell is a Soc? I think he just insulted me. "Pardon me?" I asked, "What did you just call me?"

He chuckled. "Soc. Short for Social. You know them real rich kids with the fancy cars an' stuff?" I nodded. "That's them."

"Oh."

"Hey," he said to me. "Hand me that bottle right there." I looked at what he was pointing to. It was a bottle of pomade. I handed him the bottle of the gross feeling substance, wrinkling my nose is disgust.

"Ew," I said. "That stuff is gross. Anyways, if they're Socs, then what are we?"

"_We_," He said, pausing like it was a big deal,"are exactly what this _stuff_ is."

"Pomade?" I could see it now: a bunch of us walking around in leather jackets with the word _Pomaders _on the back.

He shook his head. "No, the stuff it's made out of. Grease, we're greasers."

I wrinkled my nose again. I hoped that term was only given to the boys. "It's just a boy thing, right?"

He saw my apprehension towards the term and grinned. "You in our neighborhood, right?"

I nodded.

"You're a greaser, then."

"But what if I don't want to be one? What if I just want to be Billie?"

He shrugged. "That's how it is here. East side greasers, west side Socs. They get all the breaks, and we get the negative attention. It's not as bad as it was, but it's just the way things work around here."

I sighed. So I wasn't going to be popular. Even though I knew I wasn't going to be, the fact that I already had a label before anyone even knew me bothered me. Then again, I probably also got labeled as a freak, also.

I sighed. "Well, thanks for telling me…Um, what's your name? Sorry, I don't remember."

"Two-Bit," he said. "My name's Two-Bit."

I stared blankly at him. "That's your real name?" I asked curiously as he shook his head.

"No, but ain't no one call me Keith. Not even my mom."

"Oh," I replied as he pulled into the gas station, looking around."What'd you do for kicks around here?" I asked him, seeing a gleam in his eyes.

My stomach turned at the look he gave me and I wasn't so sure I wanted to know what they did. "Besides driving like a maniac and being obnoxious." I folded my arms across my chest.

"Hang around long enough, baby, and you'll learn _exactly _what we do."

"And sex," I added.

"Who says anything about sex?" he gave me a funny look. "I'm Christian," he said. "No sex till marriage." I felt like he was mocking me and tensed up.

"You mocking my beliefs?"

"Nope," he replied with a grin, shaking his head. "I was baptized an' everythin'."

"Oh," I said weakly and added with little confidence, "Well, you ain't gonna get this." I saw his eyes move down towards my chest and I quickly hugged a book. He gave me a look.

"Right, 'cause you've got _so_ much to offer, Billie goat." I just rolled my eyes at his reply.

We got out, and went inside as Two-Bit started to ring the service bell rapidly. "Sodapop!" Two-Bit called out to the back of the room,"hey Soda, your girlfriend's here!"

I blushed. "We aren't dating," I hissed.

"Right," he muttered sarcastically, "and I'm the king of France."

I bit on my lip as he rang the bell again. "Soda! Soda, can I get some service out here?!" I let out a giggle as a guy came out, but it wasn't Soda. His hair was too dark and swirly to be Soda.

"Christ, Two-Bit. Don't break the thing, will ya? What d'ya need Soda for anyways? Kid fall in a well or somethin'?"

I heard a rustle in the back, and a voice. I recognized it as Soda's and felt my stomach flip-flop when he walked out. I couldn't see Soda because Two-Bit was in my way. I frowned and tried to push him, but he was too heavy. "Two-Bit!" I hissed at him, "Move your fat butt away! I can't see!"

He turned around. "Fat? I ain't fat," he repeated.

"Well then why do ya got a sandwich in your glove compartment? Right next to a bunch of unused condoms that you don't need because you said you want to stay a virgin," I said louder. His face turned a shade of red and he clamped a hand over my mouth, pulling me into his side as he grinned innocently at Soda. "Excuse her," he said politely, "she was dropped on her head as a baby. Explains _so_ much." The guys snickered as I pushed away from him.

"No! You told me you wanted to wait! Remember?" He rubbed his face and looked at Soda. "You believe half the crap comin' outta her mouth?" He asked, and Soda shrugged, smirking. I looked at Soda and immediately went to smooth down my hair.

"Hi," I said softly.

"Hey," he replied. "Just give me a minute, then we can go. Jus' gotta do some last minute things before I go." He wiped off the counter space and then tossed the rag over at the other guy. "Ready Billie?" He asked me and I slowly nodded.

"Yes," I said softly. "Yes, I'm ready."

"Good," was all he said, walking out the door. I followed him and out the door and watched him think about putting his arm around me. He must have remembered the oil on his hands, because he didn't put his arm around me.

"I hope you don't mind, but I've gotta clean up first. You can come and wait in my house if you want?" At first I thought he meant he had to clean his room or something, until he showed me his hands again.

I just nodded as he led me into his house. He kicked off his shoes, literally, and went to the bathroom to take a shower.

His house looked really messy and you could tell there were boys living there, and that not many females entered the house. The first thing I noticed was the old couch, with lumps and sinks all in it. It looked worn and used. Quite the opposite of the couch at my grandma's house, which she stated was a "just for show couch." I didn't sit down in the couch, feeling like I didn't belong on a couch like that. It was probably used for friends and relatives, and I wasn't either. I was just the new neighbor that Soda wanted to get to know.

My eyes went in the direction of a piano, and I grinned a little. It meant that someone in the house had a taste for music, whether it was a good taste, or bad taste, I couldn't tell. There were pictures on top of the piano, mostly all of them family. The one that caught my eye was not one of all their friends, but just a simple one that their mother probably took. It was of all three of the brothers smiling and laughing, and looking young. It was probably taken ages ago, and I doubt they didn't know what kind of future they would have in that picture.

But my favorite picture I saw up there was of Soda, of course, and he looked pretty young. Maybe thirteen or so, and he looked imperfect. He looked so different than the others that I could hardly tell it was him. He wasn't smiling, and I really don't blame him. He looked like crap. His hair wasn't as long as it is now, and he had zits on his face. I knew he was going into puberty in that picture, and that makes me laugh the most. His voice was probably squeaky and he probably wished that the photographer would burn in hell for seeing him like that.

I heard a door slam and jumped back, but sighed as it was just Soda's little brother. He didn't look happy to see me there, and to be honest, it felt weird having him here. From the pictures, he looked so happy and sweet like his older brother, but in person he wasn't. He was bitter, and not to mention half blond.

"What're you doing here?" He asked me harshly, "Don't you have your own house to go to?"

I bit on my lip and spoke softly,"I'm waiting for Sodapop. He said wait here while he takes a shower."

"Oh," was all he said.

The door slammed again and in walked the eldest of the brothers, Darry. "Pony, Soda?" He called out, "Any of you make dinner yet?" He took noticed of me and looked a bit uncomfortable. "Oh, hello, Billie. Did your mom lock you out?"

I shook my head. "I'm just waiting for Sodapop, sir."

He chuckled. "It's just Darry, Billie. You don't need to call me sir."

I just nodded my head as Soda got out of the shower. I blushed a little bit and stood to the side. I wasn't family, and I wasn't a close friend. I heard a noise from Soda's room and a thump. He came out a minute after all dressed and ready to go.

"Ready Billie?"

I nodded my head slowly, as he reached out his hand to grab mine. I held onto his hand as we walked out the door and down the street towards the Dingo. He opened the door when we got there, and led me to our booth. The waitress just smiled her fake smile as she placed the menus in front of us and walked away.

We sat in silence until Soda broke it with a question. "What would you like to drink?" He asked me with his usual grin.

I shrugged looking at the menu. "A coke, I guess?"

"Sure," he said with a smile and grinned at me. We didn't talk much until he broke it with a question I knew was coming.

"How do you like Tulsa?"

The waitress brought me my drink. "It's fine." I slurped on my coke before I continued. "It's not Chicago, but it's not bad, I guess. I could go without the Soc and Greaser thing…"

"So you know?" Soda asked, looking a little concerned.

I just nodded. "Yeah, Two-Bit told me."

Soda had an amused grin on his face. "You met Two-Bit? How was that?"

I shrugged again. "Okay, I guess. He's a little strange…" I was afraid of offending Soda talking about Two-Bit like this. "And a tad annoying…"

"Yeah, he can be that way. But he's still a buddy of mine. I'd do the same for him like I would for Steve. But I don't think a girl like you would understand that..." He went on talking about something. "I mean, I'm sure you probably wouldn't go to war just because your friend would."

I bit on my lip. "You'd go to war if Steve does?"

He looked a bit unsure, like I was testing their friendship or something. "Well, maybe. Steve did say if I got drafted he'd enlist, and vice versa. I mean, there are just some things you have to do, but I don't think-"

"A girl like me would understand?" I asked him as he nodded. "I understand Soda, believe me. I can't say I'd ever enlist for someone, since girls don't get drafted an' such. But I'd pretty much do the same for my best friend, Julie. Unlike my brother who just enlisted for the hell of it."

Soda raised an eyebrow. "Your brother's in Nam?"

I nodded. "He enlisted as soon as he graduated and nothing stopped him. Not even his girlfriend he proposed to. Man, he's such an idiot—but I think he's actually comin' home soon. I think he said possibly by summertime."

"You miss him?" Soda asked.

"I guess, I don't know. He's my brother, but I dunno. It is what it is" I replied, giving a big shrug and sigh.

Soda saw that I was uncomfortable with the topic and changed it. "So, what do you like to do for fun, Billie?"

"Um," I looked around the room before I answered weakly, "I like to read, and go to the movies. And draw, I love to draw. Back in Chicago I used to go to a bunch of local band's concerts, too."

"You sound like you'd get along well with my little brother. He likes all that stuff."

I shifted uncomfortable in my seat. "Um, I don't think he really likes me."

"He's just shy, Billie. He's been through a lot this past year. Hell warm up to ya."

"Are-are you sure?"

"Yeah, what's not to love about you? You're a nice girl, and you seem to get boys more than most girls. It's like you _are_ a boy, but you're not."

I blushed and giggled. "Th-thanks?"

"You're welcome," he said as we finished dinner. It was getting late, and he ended up walking me home. We were right near my house as he smiled. "I had a nice time, Billie. Maybe we can do it again sometime?"

I just nodded again, blushing. I blushed harder as he leaned in and kissed my cheek. I felt my world stop when he kissed my cheek, then as he left everything went back to normal. I sighed happily as I unlocked the door going into my house and into my room.

I think I just might like Tulsa.

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	5. Chapter 5

**_Another update! spare time in college. Haha, like that will happen soon. Much love to teh reviewers, and to La belle nuit for checking grammar an' stuff, and to Mel. (: More will come soon...ASAP. It's college, now._**

**_Disclaimer:Comsie no own._**

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Chapter 5

Soda and I went out once more that week to the Dingo, and school still wasn't going so great. I hadn't made any friends except Soda and sort of Two-Bit, but I never saw them enough to do anything. Sodapop's little brother was the only one that I actually saw regularly, but we didn't get along so great.

Ponyboy was beginning to despise me, actually—I could tell. He didn't seem as nice as Soda said, and in gym class he treated me funny. We had to do some baseball like drill, and the teacher paired us up with each other.

"Curtis, Clark," she said. "Grab a bat an' a ball an' mitt and go practice in that corner." We both did as we were told. Ponyboy grumbled at being paired with me, but I ignored him.

He purposely tried to strike me out, but baseball just wasn't his sport. He couldn't throw right and his catching wasn't so hot either. It must've been something with his hand-eye coordination. I grinned again, pulling on the ends of my ponytail to keep it from falling down before hitting another shot. Ponyboy groaned, not wanting to chase the ball across the gym, and just sat onto the ground.

"Hey Ponyboy," I said to him. "You gonna get the ball?"

"Nope," he stated. "I didn't hit it, you did. Why do I gotta get your ball?"

"I was just asking if you would. You don't have to-"

"Good, 'cause I don't want to."

I rolled my eyes and walked across the gym to retrieve the ball. A simple "no" would've worked—he didn't have to be so snippy. I came back and sat on the floor next to him, trying to be nice. "Sodapop says you like to read."

"Yeah," he snapped. "I read."

"Oh. What d'ya like to read?" I asked.

He shot me some weird look. "Books."

"O…kay. What about movies?"

"What about them?"

"What kind of movies do you like…? Talking to him was like talking to a wall—he was so one-way. For someone who had a lot of passion about books and movies, he wasn't showing it. Well, at least not to me.

"The kind with a beginning, middle, end, and a plot," he said sarcastically. I gave him a funny look like Two-Bit would've before getting extremely annoyed and angry.

I didn't get angry very often, but Ponyboy was really starting to eat at me. Before I could control myself, I was raising my voice at him.

"What is wrong with you?" I asked him finally.

"Nothing," was all he said.

"Yeah, there is. I can tell there is."

"There's nothing wrong with me," he shot back angrily. "I'm fine."

He was really starting to bother me now by not answering my question the way I wanted. Mom said that was a trait I got from Dad: not liking unanswered questions. Mom always got straight to the point, asking directly what was wrong. Peter got that trait; I'd usually just beat around the bush.

I tried using one of Mom's tactics. "What's your problem, Ponyboy? I haven't been anything but _nice_ to you, and you just keep being so…_ugly_ with me. Why don't you like me?" I normally wouldn't have given a flying fuck if a person hated me or not, but he never even took the chance to get to know me, and that just bugged me.

"I don't have to like you, Billie."

"I know. I just want to know _why_. _Why_ don't you like me? What did I do wrong? Is it because Soda likes me?"

He looked at me, then said in the coldest tone I've ever heard, "Soda don't like you, Billie."

All I did was blink. "What?" I was flabbergasted.

"Soda don't like you—he likes Sandy." I felt my heart sink and begin to crumble. Ponyboy didn't sound sympathetic; he sounded almost...proud of himself for what he said. "Soda doesn't date chicks like you."

I tried to hold back tries, but my efforts got me nowhere. Even if it wasn't true, it still hurt to hear those words. In reality, no one would date a chick like me, except maybe a chick like me. But the odds of finding one like that was a million to one, and I wasn't going to find one.

I tried to think of that Sandy girl Ponyboy said Soda liked, but I couldn't remember seeing her anywhere in the school directory. There used to be a Sandra, but she dropped out last fall. I didn't know of the type of girls Sodapop liked, but she didn't seem to fit the description.

Ponyboy pulled me out of my thoughts again. "Hey," he said. "Are you gonna stop crying now? You've been doing it for the last fifteen minutes straight."

"Well, excuse me for having emotions," I snapped at him.

"Your bitchiness is excused," he muttered then stared at me again. "For a chick, you sure have an unusual amount of upper body strength.

"It's called exercise. You should try it sometime."

"I ain't on the track team for my looks, Billie."

I couldn't think of anything to say that, so I just flipped him the bird. The teacher saw what I did and sentenced the both of us to detention, so I was stuck with Ponyboy for another hour. He wasn't happy about his sentence. I, on the other hand, could've cared less.

"Great, now I'll be late for track. Not to mention what Darry would do if he finds out. Then there's the lady from the state…"

I didn't really care about his problems, even if he was Soda's little brother. Detention wasn't the end of the world—he should've just gotten over it.

He grumbled about detention until we left for the locker rooms, blaming me the whole time, but wasn't my fault he was an ass.

Because of Ponyboy, our teacher made us stay after class to talk to us, which made me late to my last class and caused me to get in more trouble.

The teacher gave me an extra day of detention and took off a third of my daily grade for the day. As soon as the class was over, I went straight to the detention room like I had all the other times. I took a seat in the room next to Two-Bit who just grinned at me. His grin grew even wider when Ponyboy entered the room.

"Hey, Pony!" Two-Bit called across the room to him. "What'cha in here for? Skippin' class to see a movie?"

Pony grumbled something, pointing his finger at me. Two-Bit just shook his head at the both of us and cocked his head to the side. "Y'know, it's like a petting zoo in here."

"How's that?" I wondered. I hadn't even known him that long, and I already knew he had some of the craziest comparisons and logic I'd ever known a person to have.

"We've got a Billie goat and a Ponyboy."

"That's real nice, Two-Bit," I said. "I'm just going to do my homework and draw s'more."

I pulled out my notebook, drawing doodles on the pages. Most of them were stick people—practically everyone was. Two-Bit looked over at my unrealistic drawing. "Is that you?" He asked, pointing at the stick person with black hair.

"Yes."

"Are you like…one of those chicks that like chicks? Or is that a man?"

I grinned a little bit. "That's Soda. He ain't a chick."

"No shit. If he was, the state would be awfully confused with him an' Pony sleep together."

I gulped, blushing. "Like…in the same bed?"

"Yep."

"And Soda, he's…."

"Yep."

"And Ponyboy…?"

"For the last time, yep."

I bit my lip, blushing. Ponyboy and Soda sleep together? I couldn't imagine myself sleeping with my brother. Of course, Peter's girlfriend would probably kick me out anyways. Besides, I was organized, and Peter's room was a mess. We wouldn't do so hot sharing a room.

The teacher running detention looked at her watch. "Okay, I've got to get home early today, so you're all free to go." I grabbed my books and stuffed them into my knapsack and, following Ponyboy and Two-Bit out of the room.

"Hey, Bill!" Two-Bit called after me. "I'm droppin' Pony off. Need a lift?"

I nodded my head, but then Pony had the nerve to say, "Hey, I got a question for you. Why do you have your own bathroom to change in for gym class?" That was the question to end all questions. Two-Bit looked at him kinda funny.

I didn't answer Ponyboy and firmly shook my head at Two-Bit. "I'll walk," I said, getting out of the building as fast as I could.

I wasn't going to be in the same car as him—I didn't even care that it was raining.

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	6. Chapter 6

_**Hii! I'm completly hyper today, on tyhis rainy monday college morning (: So, um, thank you for the past reviews..and CHECK OUT THE SIDE FIC:** Where is Started**. It's ammazing, I promise. It's Billie's before life, kinda. (: And as always, I don't own anyone that Susie owns.**_

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Chapter 6

Ponyboy continued to bug me with the same question the next day. I didn't answer him and just ignored him. There was no way I was telling him anything. I didn't trust him—I hardly trusted Soda. Handsome boys were hard to trust, and I had made the mistake of trusting them before.

There was never anything to do on a Friday afternoon, so when I got home I wasn't surprised to be bored out of my mind. As soon as I got in the door, Mom came straight over to me, looking like June Cleaver. She used to look like that a lot more often… before she actually had to get a job.

She and Dad's divorce changed everything. After it, she knew she'd need a job to make ends meet. As far as she was concerned, there were only two options—nursing school or cosmetology school. She had an interest in both, and she felt she could make enough to live off of either, but in the end she chose nursing. Cosmetology school was too "young" for her, apparently, and she felt that someone her age would be out of place.

Since she became a nurse, she tried to make us both eat healthier. She prepared all sorts of broccoli and mushroom soup casseroles, chicken breasts, and just about anything that fit into the "healthy" category. I couldn't stand some of the healthy recipes she'd try on me, so I just boxed up the casseroles and sold them to that elderly lady down the street—the one with hundreds of cats. Then, I'd take some money and go down to the Dingo to get a burger or sandwich. Mom never knew, and I had no plans of ever telling her.

She was in a very motherly mood today—I could tell. Usually, that meant she'd heard from Pete or something really bad had happened. She wasn't crying, so I assumed the first.

"Oh, my little Capulet," she soothed, rubbing my back as I hugged her. "My little Juliet's growing up. In just a couple of weeks you'll be sixteen…any plans for a party?"

So _that's_ what she was up to. She wanted me to have a party for my sixteenth birthday, but I didn't really care all that much.

Mom was obsessed with Shakespeare. She named Peter after the loyal servant in Romeo and Juliet, and when I was born, she decided to name me after the great man himself.

My nickname, however, was Capulet. Peter's was Banquo from _Macbeth_. My mom said if I were a girl, she'd have named me Juliet—I'm glad I got to pick my name—but she still calls me Capulet because I reminded her so much of Juliet. You can't really call a boy Juliet, though, so she went with Capulet. It made sense to her but not to me.

We pulled away from the hug, and she smiled at me. "Can you run and get me some groceries, hon?"

"Um, sure." I didn't know why she wanted me to go, but hey, leaving the house is leaving the house. "What'cha need?"

"Milk, bread, eggs, butter, _healthy_ cereal… None of that sugary kind." I gave my mom a look. She knew I didn't like her cereal choice, and that I preferred my _Lucky Charms_. She handed me a ten dollar bill. "I expect change, honey."

I just nodded, running out the door. On my way to the grocery store, I ran into Ponyboy.

"So, _why_ do you have your own separate bathroom, huh?" he asked me again just to taunt me. I ignored him, waving "bye" before he could ask again. I ran the rest of the way to the store.

I went down the aisles, putting all the items into a basket, not even paying attention to the sale prices. I just got what was on the list. When I was done shopping, I grabbed the paper bag and decided to treat myself to a bottle of Coke. Whenever I went shopping, I always treated myself afterwards. Besides, Mom wouldn't notice a nickel missing.

I went to the DX to get the Coke and sighed when I noticed Ponyboy was next to me in line. He seemed to have spotted me and fixed me with that strange grin of his. "Why won't you tell me why you have a private bathroom in gym?"

I rolled my eyes, setting the bags on the counter. "Fuck off, Ponyboy," I spat. He glared at me and walked away, leaving to do whatever Ponyboys did.

"Christ," I complained to whoever the cashier was. It wasn't Soda, so I was pretty safe. "Does that kid always hafta follow me?"

"Ponyboy?" the dark-haired boy asked.

"Yeah, you know him?"

He smirked. "That kid's almost always over here… Soda's shadow."

"He's so annoying," I complained.

"Tell me about it," the dark haired boy said. "You new around here or just passin' by? I think I've seen you before."

"Is that supposed to be a pick up line?" I asked him. I didn't like corny pick up lines.

"Nah, you just look familiar."

"I was here the other day looking for Sodapop. I'm Billie."

"So you're that chick Soda's been talking about," he said. "I'm Steve, a friend of Soda's." I shook his out reached hand. "You need Soda?" he asked, and I shook my head.

"I just wanted a Coke. I have to run these groceries home to Ma."

He handed me a coke, and I handed him the money for it. Just then Soda came out to the front to help with the customers. He stopped when he saw me and grinned.

"Hey."

I blushed a little. "Hi, Soda."

"You busy tomorrow night?" he asked.

I shook my head slightly, blushing a little more. I wasn't so great at being asked out in public.

"Wanna go see a movie?"

My eyes brightened. I loved movies—Soda knew that. "Yeah, I want to see a movie. I've never been to a drive-in before," I stated, and Soda chuckled.

"They don't got drive-ins in Chicago?"

I nodded. "No, they do… I've just never been to one. Never really dated there…"

Sodapop looked a little surprised. "A girl like you never had a 'real date'?"

I didn't answer him—I didn't really know what to say.

He leaned over the counter and kissed my forehead. "Pick you up at seven," he whispered.

I went home with a bounce in my step. I couldn't wait for tomorrow!

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	7. Chapter 7

_**Thankyou to all my wonderful reviewers..and whoever else is reading this..Sorry in advance for the messed up format. is hating me today, so I had to copy and paste to put the chapter in and it left some HUGE gaps..which I deleted mostly. So um, review please and I'll love you forever! Also chech out the side story **Where is Started**. I've been writing a lot, so expect more updates with my lack of social life on the net...**_

_**No, I don't own an of this. Susie owns everyone except Billie.**_

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**Chapter 7**

As soon as Mom left to go somewhere, I called Julie. I needed input for an outfit, and I knew she'd know. She was great at picking out outfits.

I picked up the phone and dialed her number, a number I've dialed too many times before, but never here. It rang twice before she picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Jewels?"

"Yes, this is-Bills?"

"Surprise!" She squealed really loud and I held the phone away from my ear.

"OMIGOD! What's up, girl? How's…Tulsa, right?"

I nodded, forgetting she couldn't see. "Yes and its ok."

"Meet any cute boys?" I chuckled, that was so typical of her to ask.

"Well…" She squealed again.

"Shut up! You got a boy? What's his name, is he cute?"

I blushed; I was glad she couldn't see me. "His name is Sodapop-yes that _is_ his real name- and well, yeah. He asked me out for tomorrow night and…"

"…You need my expertise? Go with pink. It fits you better than any other color. I'd say that skirt you got for Christmas and the matching top. It's _so_ cute. Oh! And your mom let you keep your hair long, right?"

"Yeah, she did. She didn't force me to cut it, 'cause most of the boys in Tulsa have long hair. Or, the ones I've seen anyways."

I pictured her wrinkling her nose in disgust. "Like, they're hippies? Like, their hair is all long and stringy and gross?"

I laughed. "No, it's long like, long for boys. They ain't hippies, Jewels. They just have long hair. Yes, I promise you mine is still long and I haven't cut it."

She usually went crazy whenever I got a haircut. She said my hair looked cute when I kept it long, which I try to do. But, then I end up getting annoyed at my hair when it starts to tickle my neck and I cut it again. It really annoys Julie because then I complain how much it sucks. But I think I've done okay this time, it touches my shoulders.

Of course, my mom's been easy on how I wear it now. Back before she and my dad divorced, if he saw it get long, he'd throw me over the shoulder and force me into the car, and without a choice, cut a majority of it off. He had this thing where if my hair touched my ear, it was too long. It was Crazy.

Of course, all the rules were on hold for Peter. But he got away with it because he had a girlfriend, and played football. It really sucked.

"Okay, good," Julie stated. "Curl the ends. You'll look adorable. Do that and put on some makeup, and you'll look great." She paused. "I have to go now; Ma's getting mad at me for runnin' up the bill. Later, Billsie."

"Bye Jewels." I hung up the phone, and went to my closet. There it was, the skirt and blouse I got last Christmas. It was pink, and Julie was right. It fit me perfectly and looked great. I pulled it out of my closet, laying in on the chair so that it wouldn't get wrinkled over night.

After that I got bored and went to bed. I awoke late in the day, almost afternoon to Mom calling me.

"Honey! Honey, are you up?"

I rubbed my eyes as Mom came into my room.

"Honey, work just called. I'm afraid I have to work a shift until midnight. Honey, I'm so sorry, will you be alright?

I nodded. That was perfect. Then, she didn't have to see me go on my date. "It's okay, Ma. I know you can't help it. Go to work; have fun."

She gave me a strange look and kissed my forehead. "Dinner's in the fridge! Love you!" I watched her leave and jumped out of bed to plan my outfit one last time.

I dug through the back of my closet before finding what I was looking for: a pair of white high-heeled shoes. I "borrowed" them from my mom, but she never knew. I put them on my foot, lacing them up and grinned at myself. They still fit.

I stared at my reflection in the mirror and frowned. I didn't see how I could possibly look good, and I gave a pout, fussing with my hair. Julie said it looked cute the way it was, but I couldn't believe her. Not with it like this. The ends were all frizzed and it was starting to drive me crazy.

There was one thing I could do, and Julie would kill me. I pulled out the scissors from my desk and stared at them a minute before putting them up to the edge of my hair. I opened the blades to trim off the fuzzy ends when I heard a knock on the door. I jumped, causing me to mess up, cutting more than I wanted.

I panicked. A part of my hair was a little shorter than the rest, and it was obviously noticeable. I sighed, picking up the scissors again to even out the ends. When I finished, it looked ok. I brushed the ends out to make it look a little curly, and it did.

I went over to open the door to see who knocked. No one was there, I was being paranoid. I pulled on my skirt, hearing the knocking again. This time I opened the door to find Soda there.

"Hey Billie, you ready?"

I smiled at him as he stared at the pile of hair on the desk. He gave a confused look at me. "Is that your hair..?"

"Yeah," I said casually. "I was, um, fixing it." I looked at the floor avoiding his eye contact.

"You cut your hair for me?" He asked, and I bit on my lip. I didn't know how to answer. Yes, made me seem completely desperate, and no made me sound like I didn't care.

"It was getting messy," I said instead. "It was time."

"Looks nice," was all he said.

I beamed, proud of myself. He grabbed onto my arm and smile. "Ready to go?"

I nodded, following him out to his car. "This your car?" I asked him. It wasn't that nice.

"Yup, bought it for my sixteenth birthday. It may not be the fanciest, but it moves. Unlike Two-Bit's piece of crap."

I giggled. "His car should come with warning labels and health hazards. Live animals are kept in there."

Soda laughed. "Chipy ain't an animal…I don't think."

I laughed a little bit and blushed as Soda held the car door open for me. "Your chariot, Madame."

I turned redder, and played along. "Thank you kind sir."

He got into the driver's side and got ready to drive. I placed my hands on the radio, and he didn't seem to care. Elvis came on the radio and I didn't bother to change the song. I liked sitting here listening to the radio with Soda. It was peaceful.

We pulled into the drive-in and found a space. "What're they playing?" I asked eagerly.

He shrugged. "Some Disney movie, I think it's the one with the deer."

"Awwh! I _love_Bambi! Thumper is _so_ cute. Do you want me to get some popcorn, Soda? I don't mind. It'll be quicker this way."

He looked hesitant of letting me get our popcorn. I could tell how he was raised: to cater to the woman. He didn't seem to argue as I went to the concession stand to get some snacks.

I stood in line to get us some cokes and popcorn as this guy came up to me.

"Hey baby," he said coolly. "You uh, are you lookin' for a good time?"

I bit on my lip. "No thank you." I moved forward in line to get our snacks, but he wouldn't leave me alone.

"You sure?"

I nodded. "I'm with someone."

He shifted his weight to one foot and pulled his pants up. "Why don't ya dump the zero, an' get with a _real_ hero?"

I blushed. "No. Now if you excuse me, I have to go back to my date." I stepped away from him, walking back to the car as he kept following me. He pulled on my skirt following me. I felt my cheeks get hot as he kept on saying comments about my ass.

"Ya got a great ass, there, baby, but I don't see any tits. Ya got tits baby?"

My cheeks grew hotter as the tears leaked. I got back to the car when Soda saw me. "Billie? Bill, what's wrong?"

I didn't say words as the tears leaked, but he caught notice of the man that followed me. Soda pulled me into a hug, rubbing my back as we got in the car. We sat in the car with our popcorn and drinks as the movie started. Soda tried to use that "stretch and yawn" thing, and I just let him. I curled my head into the crook of his neck as the movie started, watching it from that position.

I jumped in the beginning of the movie when Bambi's mom got shot, I couldn't help but cry, also. Soda looked at me, and just let me curl in closer. I smiled, feeling face next to him.

During the middle of the movie he looked down at me and planted a kiss on my lips. I couldn't help but giggle and returned the favor to him. After that, we stopped watching the movie and kissed the rest of the night.

He was starting to get horny, I could tell. He wanted to fuck me, but I wasn't going to let that happen. He started to reach up to my skirt, and I backed away. "You ready?" he panted.

"No," I firmly stated. "I'm not ready Sodapop."

He looked a little hurt, and I can tell he's never been denied sex before. He zipped his jeans back up and spoke as maturely as he could, "If you want to wait, I'll wait with you."

I smiled and kissed his lips again. "Thank you, Soda. It'll be worth it, I promise."

I didn't tell him it was going to be a long time. He probably thought I wanted to wait until a few more dates.

When the movie ended, we went to get some ice cream then he took me home. He opened the car door for me and helped me out. I just stood there in the silence, waiting for him to walk me to the door, but he didn't.

He was fiddling with his hands, cracking his knuckles, being all nervous. "Hey Billie,….Can I ask you something?"

I bit on my lip. Questions like that never went well with me. He was probably going to ask why I don't have any tits, or why Ponyboy was asking me that question.

"What?" My eyes lowered, and my heart sunk. He was going to ask me something and then our friendship would be over. Most boys when they kissed me would then leave, saying how I kissed like a guy, all rough an' shit.

"Do you, y'know, want to be…."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Want to be what?"

"Mygirlfriend" he pushed the words together so I couldn't understand him.

"What was that?"

"My girlfriend," he said clearly.

A smile came to my lips as I kissed him.

"So is that a yes?"

I grinned. "Yes, Sodapop."

He walked me to the door, and kissed me one last time.

I finally felt like a normal girl.

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	8. Chapter 8

**_Thanks for the reviews guys (: Thanks to everyone who helped out for this chapter...Aero...La Belle Nuit...you guys know you you are. _**

**_Disclaimer:I'm not Susie. Seriously, I'm not a world famous writer. I'm just a little freshman college student trying to graduate with out getting sued. I also don't own anything that isn't Billie or her family._**

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Chapter 8

Soda and I were dating, and life was going pretty good. His friends liked me well enough, and I liked them…except Ponyboy. Everything was going great on our one-on-one dates and I was perfectly comfortable around Soda.

Then Steve had to open his big mouth. "Hey Soda, how 'bout me, you, Billie an' Evie go bowlin' tonight. Evie stopped by sayin' how she hasn't been in forever and wanted to go. Thought we could double."

I froze. I wasn't good with other people, and I don't think Evie would really like me. I leaned on the counter sipping the drink Soda gave me.

"How's that sound, Bill?"

I slurped the rest of my drink. "Um,…"

Soda looked a little hurt as I was thinking. I knew we'd end up doubling eventually. I sighed; it was the least I could do. After all, he's done a big favor for me.

"Sure." I gave in.

He leaned over the counter and placed a kiss on my forehead, whispering. "It'll be okay, Bill. She's nice."

I could only hope so.

The minutes turned into hours and before I knew it, I was dressed up, all ready to go meet Steve, Evie, an' Soda.

This time instead of him picking me up, I went over to his house. The guys were all crowded in the living room. I could hear them through the screen door, laughing. I knocked on the door, and when they didn't answer I rang the door bell.

"Come in!" One of them called to me. I entered Soda's house, as Soda was getting ready. I sat on the edge of a chair. "Is Soda ready?"

"Nope," Two-Bit said. "He takes longer than a chick. You sure you want to go with someone who takes longer than you to get ready than you do?"

"You weren't there for the two hours it took me to pick out my outfit," I laughed.

The other laughed along with me as Two-Bit grinned again. "Speakin' of Soda…" I turned my head around quickly to see him comin' out of his room.

"Hi," I said breathlessly, blushing.

He grinned. "Ready to go, Bill?"

I nodded, grabbing onto his hand. We weren't taking the car this time; we were walking. He walked me to the bowling alley, and to a table.

"Steve'll be here in a minute," he said.

And in "said minute" in came Steve and the girl I'm guessing was Evie. She had long dark hair, and looked like she knew what she was doing. I didn't know if she was a bitch or not, and I certainly hoped she wasn't.

"Bill, this is Evie; Evie, Billie." Soda introduced us, and I blushed. I tend to do that a lot when I'm in awkward situations.

"Hi Billie," Evie said, giving me a smile.

"Hi," I replied back, giving a small, polite smile. I looked over my shoulder at Soda and Steve who weren't getting snacks like they said. They were engrossed in a game of pinball, instead.

"What're they doing…?" I looked at Evie in hope for an answer, than back at Soda. He knew I didn't like being left alone with strangers. But he didn't seem to mind so much right now; he was busy playin' with Steve.

"Pinball," Evie said. "They'll be a while. Steve an' Soda usually play a few games before they remember they're on a date with us—not each other. You get used to it."

Evie rested her head in her hand, looking bored. I couldn't blame her, we _were_ just sitting here. I could hear the clanking sounds of the pinball machine and wondered how they were doing. Evie was trying to make conversation with me.

"How'd you and Soda meet? At the DX?"

I shook my head. "I live across the street. I moved in a few weeks ago. We're neighbors. What about you and Steve?"

"We've been on and off for the past couple years. We met in school."

We sat in awkward silence until Evie tapped on the table with her nails. She looked at the clock and gave a loud sigh. "Word of advice," she said. "When you let them know you're bored, they'll usually stop. Because when you start getting bitchy, they know if you're in a bad mood, you won't do 'em."

I blushed."Soda and I ain't ready," I said quickly and softly.

She gave me a grin. "Aww, that's so cute," she gushed. "Wish Steve would've waited a little longer. Word of advice: if it's not in his bed, it ain't happenin'. Cars may sound romantic, but that's one fucked up spine you'll have in the mornin'."

"Thanks…but I still wanna wait for marriage."

If Evie was drinking, she would have spit it out. "Marriage is bullshit, Billie. The only way Soda's gonna be down on one knee is if you're poppin'..Yeah, marriage." She snorted.

I looked up a little horrified. "Soda said he'd wait, he's fine with it. And I can't have kids…"

"Well, great for you. I'll let you know when the sky falls an' Soda will fuck you. Billie, he's a boy, and sex is all they want."

I felt my eyes tear up a little, and I worried that maybe Evie was right. Maybe Soda just wanted me for sex, and nothing else. I _did_ see that look in his eye when he was trying to do me earlier. I took notice of Soda going into the bathroom before seeing Steve alone.

"Hey Steve?" I asked him as I walked over to where he was. "Can I talk to you?"

He gave me a strange look, and then nodded. He motioned for me to sit down. I went to bite on my nail in habit, but remembered I just polished it earlier and bit on my lip instead, staring at the table top. "Is Soda," I began. "Is Soda, is he all about sex, Steve?" Steve gave me a stranger look. "I jus' wanna know before I get in to deep," I added quickly.

Steve looked confused and didn't know what to say. "Billie, Soda's a guy, and even he gets desires. But the difference between me an' him is that if the girl wants to wait, he'll wait. He's a damn romantic, an' if the girl wants to wait, he'll please her that way. Sex is sex. Soda ain't different than me, but he won't ever force ya to do anythin' that y' don't wanna do. If you say jump, Soda'll say 'how high'. Y'dig?"

I nodded a little bit. "I dig. Steve, I wanna wait 'til marriage." Steve choked on his laughter, trying to hold it in as much as possible. "Well, uh, I guess you're lucky Soda likes you so much then."

"He does?"

"Don't be stupid, Billie," Steve said. "'Course he does. Y'know he does."

I shrugged. "I guess so."

"Hey Steve," Evie called him, coming over. "Stevie, are we gonna bowl now?"

Steve looked at Evie, who just gave him a look. He nodded and Evie winked at me. "I'll show ya that trick later."

I nodded at her, getting red in the face. "Who's goin' first?" I asked. I really hope it wasn't me; I hated going first.

"You wanna?" Soda grinned at me. I shook my head.

"You go."

He shrugged and picked up the ball, throwing it hard down the lane. He missed four pins, but didn't seem to care. It was my turn next, and I ended up getting a gutter ball. I wasn't so great at bowling. My balls were attracted to the gutters.

Evie went next and winked at me. "Stevie," she said in fake pout. "This ball's _really_ heavy. Can you help me?" I was guessing this happened often. Steve gave her a small smile and went behind her. "Like this," he instructed her, moving her hand with his. He helped her bowl the first round, where she knocked down nine of the ten pins.

She grinned at him, rewarding him with a kiss. Steve kissed her back, and took his turn and missed a pin. I was quickly learning that he didn't like to lose.

When my turn came around, Evie grinned at me again, and winked. I nodded back at her and looked at Soda. "Sodapop, can you help me?" I tried to look weak. Soda looked at me then Evie and nodded.

He came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me. He kept one hand wrapped around me as he helped me bowl. He did each motion slowly and I felt something I didn't want to feel.

"Oh, shit," I muttered looking down. "Oh, fucking shit."

Soda stopped what he was doing. "You okay, Billie?"

My face went red. "Uh, I have to um, go to the bathroom," I whispered to him. He looked puzzled, but allowed me to go anyways. I went in the direction of the bathrooms and stared at them confused. I hated public restrooms; they bothered me. I got a lot of strange looks from people when I walked in either one. Some day someone should create one that says:"whatever the fuck you are" for anyone to go in and not be judged.

I looked to the left and right before going into the girl's bathroom. I took a stall and sat on the toilet, confused on what to do. I couldn't leave it, but this was a women restroom, and _that_ wasn't supposed happen in here.

I saw a window above one of the stalls, and I decided to climb out the window into the back alley. No one would judge me back there, and they wouldn't know it was me. I pulled out a pair of cut off shorts I kept in my slightly large purse along with a hat and sunglasses. I tied my hair up in a messy bun, placing a hat over my head, and pulling the hooded sweatshirt Soda loaned me on our last date over my nice blouse. I peeled off my skirt, slipping on the jeans and put sunglasses on so no one could recognize me. I pulled myself out of the window into the corner of the alley and unzipped my pants.

I let out a sigh of relief and quickly tried to get my business done as quickly as possible to avoid questions. When I finished, I climbed back in to the bathroom and pulled off my sunglasses, and removed my hat. I took the sweatshirt off and stepped back into my skirt, zipping it up.

I fixed my blouse and pulled out the bun, brushing out my hair to make it look nice again. I stuffed my stuff back into my purse and, zipped it up, and went back out to Soda.

He grinned at me. "Feel better?"

I nodded as Evie looked at me suspiciously. I gulped as she came over. She reached into her purse and handed me a small round object. "Getting cramps on dates is the _worst._" I stared at her before remembering that detail about the female organs.

"Oh yeah," I said quickly to avoid conversation. "They're the worst." I didn't know how they were, but I wasn't about to tell that to Evie. I figured most girls had theirs by my age, and if they didn't they were messed up, or a guy.

"Want me to help you again, Billie?" Soda asked and I shook my head. I didn't want that to happen again.

"No thanks," I said a little bummed. "I'm not really feeling good."

"Want some ice cream?" He offered me some of the sundae he ordered.

I just nodded as he put some of the ice cream in my mouth. I giggled as some of the ice cream dripped onto my chin. I looked over at Evie and Steve who were busy eating french-fries. I grinned at Soda; I knew he wanted to get it off me. "Go ahead," I whispered.

He leaned in to lick up the rest of the ice cream, ending up kissing me. We got wrapped up in the moment and I leaked words I thought I shouldn't.

"I love you," I whispered to him.

Soda looked at me, his eyes twinkling. I don't think a girl has said those words to him in a long time, and from what I've heard, he hasn't heard them in a while.

"You too," he said gently. He kissed me on the nose and I giggled again. Then the date slowly wound down and before I knew it, we were getting ready to leave. I waved goodbye to Steve and Evie, and walked hand in hand with Soda.

He walked me home and up to my porch. He kissed me one last time and I waved to him, watching him go across the street. Mom opened the door, seeing me on the door step.

"Honey," She said, forcing me inside. "Telephone."

I knew it wasn't Soda, he just left to go inside. It couldn't be Peter, since I doubt he could even make phone calls. I wasn't clear on how that worked anyways. I guessed it was either two people, and since Mom didn't sound so happy, I knew it wasn't Julie.

It could only be one person.

Fuck.

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**_There's s'more Billie/Soda fluff for ya guys (: Reviews are loved._**


	9. Chapter 9

**_Please review? Don't own, don't sue. In loving Memory of Patrick Swayze, the first to bring our Darry to life. _**

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Chapter 9

I grabbed the phone from my mom's grip and sighed.

"Hello?" I waited for the breathing to answer me.

"William, my boy!"

I bit on my lip. No matter what I told Dad, he'd never listen. He wasn't great at that, and it bugged me.

"It's Billie, now. Y'know, like Billie Holiday?" I could picture him rolling his eyes. He ignored me, I know he did.

"How's Tulsa?"

I didn't like giving him lots of detail, and he didn't like so much little detail. He said only girls gave too much detail. "Good," was all I said. But, I knew he wasn't asking about the city.

"And the chicks there?"

"Nice," I lied. I didn't care if I was lying or not; I didn't check out chicks.

"Doin' any sports at the high school?"

"No." My answer was simple, but I knew Dad would want a reason for this. "Because I came into school too late," I lied.

"Well, there's always next year, and summer swim team."

"Yeah, I guess. Listen Dad, I don't know if there is a swim team…"

He ignored that and went onto his own conversation. "When I get there, I'll see if I can help you find a team. There's gotta be one 'round somewheres."

I was taken aback. Come here? He was _not_ coming to Tulsa. I know by law I'm supposed to visit him at least twice a year, but I certainly didn't want him coming to see me. "You're coming _here_?"

"'Course I am! Didn't yer mother tell ya that?"

I shook my head. "No.."

"Stupid bitch," he muttered. "I'm comin' down next week for ya birthday! My son's turnin' sixteen. 'Course, I gotta get back the eleventh, but I'll be there for the weekend before it. Maybe we'll go see a game or somethin'.

"Great," I muttered, and then heard a voice in the back ground. "Who's that?"

"Ma new lady friend. Got a nice rack, too." I turned red, and could just imagine how he was winking at me.

That was so gross, and even if I _did_ like girls, it wouldn't be right. "Uh, thanks Dad…"

"Anyways son, I've got to go now. She's hungry, and I'm not talkin' for food. See you next Friday." He hung up the phone, and then I did. I was not looking forward to my dad coming. I looked at the date of the Saturday he was going to be here and sighed. It was Soda and I's one month anniversary, and I knew I had to cancel it. I couldn't go, because when Dad had "his time" with me, he took up as much time as he could. He would follow me around and embarrass the heck out of me. I felt really bad for what I had to do.

I looked at the phone, then at the porch light across the street. I decided this was something I had to do in person. I slipped on my mom's pink fuzzy slippers and ran across the street ringing the door bell.

Soda answered the door, and he looked a mess. "Billie?" he yawned. "It's late, what're you doin' here."

"We have to talk, Soda." He went from half asleep to awake.

"Yeah? What about?"

I sighed, looking from one side of the street, to the other side that had the house with the screaming couple. "I have to break our date for next Saturday."

He raised his eyebrow in confusion. "Why?"

My eyes drifted away from him, and looked down towards the ground. "'Cause."

"Billie," he lifted my chin up to his level. "You can tell me. I won't be mad, I promise."

"My dad is coming," I said weakly.

Soda pulled me into a hug, and kissed the top of my head. "Are you mad?" I looked up to him.

He shook his head. "You can't help that, Bill. It ain't your fault. He's your dad, you have to see him."

"I know," I said gloomily. I felt bad not liking my dad when Soda didn't even _have_ a dad to dislike. "I'm sorry," I whispered to him. He looked confused, thinking I was still talking about missing the date.

"You can't help it, Bill. No reason to feel sorry."

"For mentioning parents," I added.

He sighed, running his fingers though his hair. "That ain't your fault, either. It was over a year ago, Billie. You don't need to be sorry."

I looked up at the sky and said without thinking, "You think they'd like me?"

Soda chuckled. "What's not to like? You're sweet, you're smart, you're cute; yeah, Mom an' Dad woulda like you just fine."

"Really?"

He nodded. "They were pretty nice to anyone we dated. Well, me an' Darry, that is. Pony ain't into girls yet. But when he does, I hope he finds a girl like you. Not you," Soda whispered into my ear, clutching me close. "'Cause you're already taken." He poked me in the side after he said that, causing me to giggle. He then breathed heavily into my ear, and I felt myself shiver.

"I love you, Billie Rebecca," he said breathlessly.

My eyes felt watery and I let some of the tears fall. I smiled at him, unsure of what else to do. I couldn't believe he said what he said. I knew I loved him, but I didn't know I was capable of being loved. Most boys usually gave strange looks at me, and then would just laugh at how titless I was. It was a given fact: boys liked mountains, not plains. I certainly wasn't a mountain. I don't think I even fit in the hill category. I'm surprised Soda even _wanted_ me. The boys who actually tried to go out with me found me too complicated and in the end, they dumped me.

The last boy that said he loved me was Frankie, my ex-boyfriend in Chicago. In a matter of weeks after going out, he dumped me when I said I thought I was a girl. Of course, most boys dump you for the opposite, and I could only wonder what Soda would do if he ever found out.

He hasn't yet, and I wasn't planning on him finding out anytime soon.

"What'cha thinkin' about?" Sodapop asked me.

I looked at him and smiled, a little unsure if I should tell him.

"Nothin, jus' love an' stuff."

"What about it?"

"I dunno." I shrugged, "Just a little scared."

Soda pulled me closer. "How come? A pretty little girl like you has never been loved by a boy before?"

I shook my head. "Actually, no. The last boyfriend I had was when I was almost fourteen…then we broke up. After that it was just dates with guys who could get past a girl with a small chest. I ain't exactly a big looker like you."

Soda shook his head. "Bill, that ain't true. You're plenty pretty, an' if no other guy but me can see that, than I reckon I must be the smartest boy on the planet."

I blushed. "You're jus' sayin' that, Sodapop."

"Maybe I am," he said then added, "Maybe I'm not. Listen, I may not get good grades on stuff like tests and in school, but if they taught a class on stuff important stuff like this, then I bet'cha I'd have the highest grade in there."

"Yeah,"I snorted. "And if there was a class where you got graded on just beauty, I'd fail twice as much."

"No you wouldn't, Billie. You know why you're prettier than all the other girls?" he asked me.

I shook my head. "No, why?"

He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "Because, you don't know you're pretty. The girls who know they're pretty aren't the pretty girls. They're the ones that end up being all ugly. But when a girl doesn't think she's pretty, it _makes_ her pretty." He explained.

"Great," I said sarcastically. "You only dated me because I was ugly?"

"Nah," he shook his head. "Aint you listening to what I said before?"

I grinned. "Refresh me?"

He just grinned back and kissed me, as we got interrupted by Darry coming out on the front porch. Darry looked a little flushed walking in on us like that. He flickered the light a little to give us a warning. We broke apart and blushed.

"It's 1:30," Darry said. "Y'got work in the mornin', little buddy."

I blushed. "I should go anyways. Bye Soda, nice seein' you Darry." I waved to both of them as I stepped back into my house.

I went to my room and flopped down on my bed. Six more days, I counted. Six more days until hell starts. Well, in politer terms: six more days until Daddy comes.

I don't know if I should run like a little girl, or take it like a man.

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	10. Chapter 10

**_There isn't much to say, I didn't get any reviews, and I promise after this it gets less fluffy. _**

**_Disclaimer: I still don't own the Outsiders, nor do I own Rent, or Queer as Folk. hehe, who can find the hidden quotes?_**

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Chapter 10

The Friday before spring break, all the kids were waiting for that last bell to ring. Most teachers gave up on teaching; the work would never get done. I, on the other hand didn't care if school lasted another week. The only thing I was looking forward to was my birthday, and even that wasn't the greatest occasion in the world.

Even my chemistry teacher gave up on teaching the class, and at ten 'til three, he let us out. He wasn't supposed to, really, but no one really cared. All the other teachers were looking forward to the break just as much as we were, so it was no surprise when half of the other teachers let their students out early.

Mom wanted me to skip today anyways, since it was Good Friday, but that ended up not being a hot idea. I told her I wanted to see Dad only the hours I had to, and no more. She just shook her head, and planted a kiss in my hair babbling about how he'll come around one day in the future.

The future wasn't coming any time soon, because when I got home I saw his truck and wanted to run. He saw me from almost a mile away, and when I reached the front step he pulled me into a giant hug.

"Willy, my boy! How're you son?" He ruffled my hair and pulled me away from him. "Let's take a look at ya." He turned me around, inspecting me and poking me. I felt like a cow being inspected before its death.

"Jus' a little messy on the mop top, but we can get that fixed." He grinned at me like what he was doing was normal. "Don't want'cha lookin' like a fairy, boy."

I flinched away from him, and raised my hands up to my hair to fix it. Mom saw what was going to happen and quickly went inside.

"No, Dad. My hair's fine."

This seemed to amuse him. He was always nice to me the first ten seconds, but then he got mean. "Whatd'ya mean, _fine? _It's a fucking mess. Let alone you look like one of those goddamn hippies. I'll take you; you do want to be a man, don'tcha Willy?"

I shook my head, and stamped my foot. "_No_. I don't want to be a male. I'm _not_ a man, Dad, I'm a _girl_. My name's _Billie._ _Billie Rebecca_ Clark."

"Don't be such a drama queen, son."

"Daughter," I corrected. "I'm a female."

"No, you _fuck_ females. You aren't one."

I sighed. "Dad, I like dick. I wanna get fucked by dick, I wanna suck dick. I _like_ sucking dick, and I'm good at it too."

If only my dad could see the look on his face. He was so speechless, and it was so fucking funny. My dad didn't even really have a comeback ready for what I said, and I just shook my head with a grin. "Face it, I'm stuck like this. All your camps and church shit won't work. I am who I am, and you ain't never gonna change that."

He sighed, and he was getting _really_ angry. "Don't talk queer to me, _William_. We're gonna have a good weekend and start out right. So none of this fag bullshit. Your name is William; I'm going to call you William. You're a _man_, not some fag."

"I'm a woman."

He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. "I knew we should've sent you to military school. Teach you some discipline, how to be a man."

"I know how to be a man. I'm more of a man than you'll ever be, and more of a woman than you'll ever get. Listen, I don't w_ant_ to spend time with you. I'm only doing this because I _have_ to. In fact, I had _plans_ before you came to fuck up my weekend."

He looked a little hurt. Good, I hope that bastard feels some emotion. "I just wanted to spend some time with my son," he said a little softer.

"Then get on a fucking plane and fly to Viet-fucking-nam and go see Peter."

He looked at me and sighed. "Willy, your mother and I just want what's best for you."

"Maybe you don't _know_ what's best for me. Dad, what's best was how things were. You in Chicago, me in Tulsa. I know the court says you have to see me, but let's try and not follow those rules? We just don't belong together and you know that. It's always been that way, and it won't change."

"…I got us tickets to a baseball game."

"Do I have to go?"

"Yes," he said. "You do. We'll go tomorrow and watch the game, then get a bite to eat, check out some chicks, then on Sunday we'll go to Church, have Easter dinner, then I leave Monday morning and you won't have to see me until Christmas."

I sighed. "Fine."

He ruffled my hair and gave me a hardy slap on my back. "Good. Now get in the truck so I can take you my hotel so we can catch up."

I gave my dad a strange look as Mom came outside to the both of us. "Honey," she called me. "Can I speak to you?"

I just looked away from my dad and nodded. "Hon, I know you don't want to go with your father, but don't you think you should give him a chance?"

"He won't call me Billie. I don't want to go with him, Mom."

"_Billie,_ please he just-what's the matter honey?"

"You called me Billie. You've never done that before."

Mom just smiled at me. "Please go with your father tonight. He's looking forward to this." She handed me a bag with a change of clothes. I peeked into the clothes and frowned. "Mom, I haven't worn these since I was thirteen."

"I know dear. But wear them for your father's sake, alright? You know how he is."

"Fine," I muttered, rolling my eyes. I slid into the passenger side and closed the door as my dad drove off.

I rested my head against the window, watching the scenery as we went by. My dad was failing at conversation making, again. "So, Willy, what's your boys like down here?"

"My…boys?"

"Yes, son. Your boys. Y'know, your gang, or whatever kids call them nowadays."

"My friends? They're alright. Just average friends. Y'know."

"What about that special lady?"

"Dad, I like boys."

He ignored me again. "You should come back with me to Chicago one day. Meet my girl. She's got one hella ass, not to mention her tits are great too."

I cringed as he pulled into the parking lot of a semi decent hotel. It wasn't socy, it was just…nicer. The room had two beds, two dressers, a television, and the floor looked clean. It was pretty nice for a hotel room.

I threw my stuff onto the bed and flopped down on it. I didn't want to go anywhere, and I didn't want him to take me anywhere. I just wanted this weekend over with.

"Are you hungry, son?" My dad asked. "I could get us some pizza, some pop maybe. Unless you don't drink pop anymore…or I could get us some beer."

I shook my head, I wasn't crazy on alcohol. I never drank it really, but if I had to I would. I mean, I'm almost sixteen, I'm pretty sure most people my age have tasted alcohol before, anyways. I never had more than I felt I could handle, but even _I've_ been drunk. Or buzzed, or tipsy. All I know is that one night when I was thirteen I had something to drink, and I can't remember what happened the rest of that night.

Peter said I pretty much became a spazz, went crazy, than collapsed in my own pile of puke. I hated to find out the next morning that I did smell like puke and urine. Peter was also drunk, though, so I don't know how much could be true. He did take a picture with Mom's camera, though, but it was really blurry.

"I'm just really tired, Dad," I lied to him. I really wasn't tired, but I just wanted to sleep so the day would be over with.

"Are you sure son, it's not even eight."

"Yeah," I faked yawned. "I had a long day. G'night Dad." I pulled the covers over my head and forced my eyes to close, and after the long hours of struggling I finally made it to sleep.

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	11. Chapter 11

**_Finally a new chapter! Uh, I still don't own..._**

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Chapter 11

I woke up to the sounds of my dad snoring, the next morning. It was seven-fifty in the morning, and he was still snoring. I always forgot how loud it was, and how when I was younger it frightened me to the point where I cried one night saying a lion ate my daddy.

The game was in the middle of the day, and we were set to go eat lunch at eleven. It was almost eight, and I decided to hell with being lazy and got up to take a shower. I pulled off my clothes and adjusted the knob of the temperature and just stood there letting the water fall of my back. It felt good to not have Mom rushing me in the shower.

The water bill was starting to bother Mom, so she was trying to make sure the both of us only took a maximum of five minute showers. I'm not sure why it was bothering her, but then, now she's paying the bills and my dad isn't. I guess you learn to budget yourself when you know it's your money that's being used.

I got out of the shower and toweled-dried myself before putting on the clothes Mom packed. I grimaced; they were so old and I haven't worn them in years. I didn't even really like them anymore, but Mom insisted I should wear them because Dad got them for me when I was little.

The shirt was a Chicago Cubs' shirt, and Dad got it for me back when I was eleven. For my eleventh birthday he took me and Peter to a Cubs' game and treated us to all the junk food we could eat, and whatever t-shirt I wanted. I chose the simplest one, which was actually the one I wanted, anyways.

It was a good birthday, even if it wasn't really my birthday. The Cubs' first home game was a few weeks after my birthday, but that didn't really matter. Dad got the tickets for my birthday, but we had to wait a little. That was alright, though. It _was_ a good birthday.

I groaned. Mom also packed my Boston Red Sox hat. Mom wasn't very good at sports, so to her packing a c_lean_ Red Sox shirt was better than packing a dirty Cub's shirt. She didn't know that you didn't wear certain sport teams to certain sports game.

I thanked God that day my uncle took us to the Sox game that she didn't buy us Yankee shirts. I like living; it makes me feel alive.

Mom bought sport shirts based on how _cute_ they were. Like, when we went to Boston she wanted to buy a Yankee shirt because she thought it looked cool. Peter and I talked her out of it by telling her what would happen. She thought it was nonsense until our uncle told her it happened to a buddy of his.

Mom's never been sportsy, and that's Grandma's fault. Grandma never let Mom play with boy toys or anything that a girl wasn't supposed to do. All my mom had were a few dolls, and some other girl toys. Grandma doesn't talk to me anymore. I used to be her favorite grandson after Peter, but when the"situation" started, Grandma just huffed and wrote me out of her life.

Then she died, and her last words to me were "burn in hell."

I decided to not wear the hat and pulled on the pants and waited for Dad to get up. Twenty minutes later he was up, and he got ready, and we were off to where ever the hell he was taking me. He pulled into a diner type place as we both got out.

"Y'still like hotdogs, son?" he asked me.

I shrugged. "Yeah, I guess," I said to my dad. I didn't care, really. Here he was pullin' all this shit about the old me-like, when I was a kid- just to prove he still "knows" me. When in reality, he doesn't. I guess it's quite common for dad's to do that. Especially ones you only see twice a year.

If I had my way with the divorce, I wouldn't even _see _him, except maybe at his death bed. While he's acting like he cares right now, he really doesn't. He loves how I used to be, not who I really am.

He stifled out a laugh, using old memories to try and bring us closer. That's what he does, he tries to live in the past with me, so he won't have to go through the future with me. He's told me before he does most of this because he's _required_ to, that when I turn eighteen he won't contact me anymore, unless I'm "normal."

He never tried to help me with the shit I went through. Like that time during sprit week at my old school. It was something crazy, like wacky clothes day, or whatever. It was the day of the pep rally, and the day before was wacky clothes day. Well, I decided then would be the time to wear this new dress I got from Julie. I figured it was appropriate and that I wouldn't be the only guy wearing one.

I was, and even though the dress code was supposedly "off" that day, I still managed to get in trouble. The usual detention for that Monday, no problem to me. The principle knew that Peter and I were related and he gave that Friday off since he was supposedly starting his final homecoming game in his senior year of high school. He told me I should go support my brother, and that the consequences of my actions will be postponed until Monday.

The principle was fickle about school spirit. He liked seeing as many people there as he possibly could. In fact, if he could make a school rule about everyone having to see at least one sport game a month in high school, he would. So being the younger sibling of one of his favorite people had a few perks. For Peter, really. He didn't have to do as much work as some of the other football players, and when the principle let him be excused from practice early to take me home, really strange stuff like that.

But that didn't mean many breaks for me. The day after the boy who supposedly "liked" me when I was dressed as Billie didn't know I was a male, and when he found out the next day he punched me in the gut. Back then, if you fought me, I fought back. So I did. I punched the guy in the gut, punched his face, gave him a swollen lip. He returned the favors and we both ended getting kicked out of the pep rally.

Peter was embarrassed, seeing me getting escorted out like that. He usually got embarrassed around me more, so he tried to avoid being around me in public.

When I got home, Mom was trying to be understanding, and when Dad found out that weekend, he flipped. It was suddenly my fault for" flaunting" myself, and giving into the devil's wants. I don't understand Dad's point of view sometimes.

"Hey son," he said to me as I finished my hot dog. "Y'know y'wearing that shirt I got you when you turned eleven?"

"I'm aware, Dad. I know."

"I didn't know you still had clothes like that. Thought they were all faggy and pink."

I bit on my lip. I was trying to be nice and not answer. I mentally counted to ten and let out a sigh of relief. "Shall we just go to the game now Dad?"

He looked at his watch. "Excellent idea son!"

He threw some money on the table and we left. When he wanted to leave, he usually left, regardless of the proper leaving etiquette.

We went into the car and he drove the two of us down the road to the University of Oklahoma for one of their college games. I guess since major league teams weren't that close by, he took us to a college game. That, and college games are usually always in season.

As much as I liked baseball, I didn't really care about the game. It wasn't even cold; I just missed Soda like crazy and I didn't want to be with my dad. He didn't speak to me at the baseball game, and I didn't speak to him. All he did was yell at the players when they didn't do a play he wanted, and I eventually just looked down at the bleachers and closed my eyes, sleeping the best I could.

My dad woke me up the last five minutes of the game, pushing me. "Willy! William, did you see that last hit? It went right over the fence, just one more out an' determines who goes to states!"

I rubbed my eyes to get the sleep out. "Yeah, great. I couldn't believe it."

"I know!" My dad sat as far on the edge of his seat as he could, watching the possible last hit of the game. The guy hit, and he won the game. My dad jumped up, shouting. I just nodded my head and asked if it was time to go. He gave me a funny look, but no answer.

We just ended up getting up and leaving. He looked at a little annoyed at me. "What's wrong son?"

I sighed. "I don't _want_ be here, Dad. I've told you this before."

"Well…" He thought for a minute. "What do you want to do?" The way he asked he thought he was going to win father of the year by my answer.

"To go home, see my boyfriend. Anything but this."

Dad sighed. "Well, I ain't gonna take you home to see your fag. But we can do somethin' else. What about tomorrow we play some football in the park? Remember like we used to?"

"I'm not going to see a _cigarette _Dad. My boyfriend is a person, not an inanimate object."

"He shouldn't be a _boy_. It's sick, William. I don't want you to burn in hell."

"Don't worry, I don't think I will; only inconsiderate assholes go to hell. Tell Grandma hi for me when you see her there."

"Don't talk like that boy," he snapped at me. He slapped me upside the head. "You know she was tryin' to help you."

"You don't even like Ma's parents. Why do you give a fuck?"

"Don't swear to me," he hissed, knocking me upside the head again. "And don't cry like a faggot," he whispered.

"Don't tell me what to do," I shot back. "You ain't the boss of me."

"Accordin' to those papers I am. I'm as much as an authority figure as that bitch you call your mother."

I hated people picking on my mom. "Don't talk about her like that; she's been better to me than you possibly could. She's been there for me, more than you _ever_ have been. You didn't even care that that boy got me suspended, or that he punched the shit out of me."

"For Christ's sake William, you don't go flauntin' your pansy ass to guys like that. I don't _blame_ him for punchin' you. I woulda too. You flaunt your pansy ass around like you're fuckin' shit, an' taunt him, then leave. Christ, son, you don't do that. You don't do that shit. I'm going to tell you once, then tell you again, queers aren't normal. And son, _you_ certainly aren't."

"I have _never_ flaunted myself, Dad. _Never_. All those people, they just do it...because they think it's right! But it's _n_ot_." _I was crying at this point. "Please Dad, just take me home. I..I can't stand being with you anymore. I just want to go home."

"Then walk. I ain't takin' ya home, boy. You either wait with me, or you walk. It's my parent time, and I ain't taken ya."

I hopped out of the parked car. "Then I'm walking." He looked speechless. "What, you think I was _joking_? Dad, _please_. Drive me home," I whined. "It's dark out; I could get killed or raped!"

He chuckled. "At least then you'd die with a cock in your mouth."

I couldn't take it anymore. I punched him, and then ran like hell.

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	12. Chapter 12

**_A/N:it's been about...2 months since the last update. I should be responsible and blame it all on being a good little student. However, despite writing english papers about don't ask don't tell, I honestly wasn't in the mood to write. Emotionally, that is. No, it wasn't writers block Let's just say old emotions returned that haven't visited in a while. But, now it's winter break and I have tons of free time (:_**

**_Disclaimer: (sarcasm)Yeah, because I naturally own the outsiders. _**

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Chapter 12

It was dark out and I didn't know exactly where I was going. I didn't have any money on me, and I looked like shit. I'm pretty sure no one could tell if I was a guy or girl in the clothes I was wearing. That most likely meant I wasn't going to get picked up any time soon.

I kept on walking; I didn't care I was tired or my feet hurt. I just thanked God I wasn't wearing heels.

My dad was a bastard and I hoped he burned in hell for that. He just, he went too far this time. I couldn't believe it, and I didn't really want to. But I knew it happened.

I didn't know where I was going, but I found some place nearby that had a bus station. I knew I didn't have any money on me, but I was hoping maybe it'll work. That I'll be some charity case and could pay him when I get back to Tulsa.

I went up to the front desk of the guy running the night shift. "How much to Tulsa?"

He looked at me, raising an eyebrow. I knew I looked like shit; I didn't care of his opinion right now.

"Dollar," He stated. "More expensive on the weekends."

"When's it leave?"

He shrugged, looking at a clock. "Fifteen minutes, I reckon. Depends how many people are gettin' on. You want a ticket?"

I smiled. Finally things were goin' my way. "Yes please," I said sweetly to him.

"Got a dollar?" he asked and I shook my head. "Then no ticket."

"Please," I begged. "I have to get home, it's an emergency."

He rolled his eyes. "Got a dollar?"

"I told you, _no_."

"No ticket for you. Next!" he called out.

I sighed, and rubbed my face. "Listen, I _really_ gotta get to Tulsa. So let's just give me the ticket and pretend like none of this ever happened."

"I ain't given' my tickets free, kid. Either buy a ticket or go somewhere else."

I sighed. "You've just made an enemy you _don't_ want."

He snorted. "Right, now move along. I got others."

I huffed, and noticed the gate guard wasn't checking tickets. I saw a giant mob nearby and quickly ran over to the crowd trying to get on a bus. He couldn't handle how many were getting through at a time, and I squeezed in right behind this big old fat couple. They handed him their tickets, and I made sure to sink low so he couldn't see me.

He didn't and I got in. I followed again behind the fat couple onto the bus labeled Tulsa. The bus driver raised an eyebrow at me. I stopped. "Yes?"

"Nothin'," he stated. "Jus' go to the back. Ain't got time, kid." I grinned to myself, sitting on a seat near the window. I rest my head against the window and fell asleep.

The next thing I heard was the guy telling me to get off the bus. I followed the orders and waved goodbye, and then scurried off before any further questions were asked. I didn't know exactly where in Tulsa I was, but I was pretty sure it was in a Soc area.

I didn't really care, I knew all I had to do was cross the tracks and then I'd find my way home. I walked until I found a telephone booth with a map inside. I looked at the map, hoping to find where I was, when I noticed the tracks right in front of me.

I mentally slapped myself and walked towards the tracks. As I got closer and closer, I couldn't help but feel more proud of myself. I stood up to my dad, _and _found my way home. I turned onto my street and frowned at the sight.

My dad beat me home, and he and my mom were shouting.

"Jack," she shouted. "How could you just _leave_ her like that?!"

"It ain't right, Anne. Kid told me to fuck off, and that it wanted to go home. So I said you could go home but I ain't gonna drive you."

"_It_? Our child is _not_ an it, Jack. Billie is a _girl_ mentally and pretty much physically. Use the proper pronouns, _please_."

"Kid's a fuckin' basket case not knowing what _he_ wants. I tried to be nice, but _he_ wouldn't let me."

"Oh Jack," Mom sighed. "How could you do this? I knew Billie shouldn't have gone with you."

"The kid's name is William, Anne. Always has, always will. Told me about some fuckin' boy toy of his, too."

Mom stared at him. "What boyfriend?"

Dad snorted. "And he says he tells you shit. This guy he's been fuckin' with. I don't know his name, but from what he muttered in his sleep, it's something faggy like Popsicle or somethin'."

Mom placed a hand over her heart and sighed with relief. "Oh thank God it's just Sodapop. Some ladies at work told me about this other boy who seems real rough an' a heart breaker at that. "

"What about those chicks?"

Mom sighed. "Jack, I know it bothers you, but just try to get used to it."

"My son's going to hell, Annette. What's so great about that?"

"Jack," Mom began, as I slowly walked up towards the house. She saw me and screamed. "Billie! My heavens! Thank God, you're alright!" She pulled me into a hug and kissed my head. I looked up at her a little teary eyed. "You know?" I said in a little voice.

"Shh," she shushed me. "Yes, baby, I know. It's okay, it's okay now, Mommy's here." She hugged me with her life, as I pushed away. "Billie!" Mom shouted.

"You _said_ you weren't gonna tell her!"

"I ain't promise you shit."

"You said," I went over to him and poked his chest at each word angrily. "You weren't going to tell Mom. You promised you wouldn't, and you did!" I poked his chest a little harder as he grabbed my finger.

"Don't move son, or it'll snap." He smirked and I gulped. I took my other hand that he wasn't gripping and tried to pry out my finger. When I got it loose I pushed him away. He didn't fall down and came over and grabbed my hair.

I screeched as he pushed me against to the floor. I sat on the grass panting and crying until I saw Dad asking Mom about Soda. I pushed myself up. "Don't you _fucking_ dare go over there, Dad. Don't you _fucking_ dare." I was shaking, I was so angry.

I touched my lip; it was bleeding and my hair hurt. Mom looked at me then at my dad. "Jack," she said quietly. "I think you should go back now." She looked at the grass. "I'll let you know when I hear from Peter."

He looked over at her and nodded. He didn't want to get caught by the cops, which I wished he would have. But then, they'd probably send me to another "confused camp" and side with my dad.

Dad came over to me like nothing happened. "See you at Christmas, Sonny-boy." He reached down to stroke my cheek as I shivered, curling myself further into a ball.

I didn't move, as Mom bent down next to me. "It's okay, baby. It's okay. You're safe now, my little Capulet." She brushed my hair off my forehead, picking me up. I flinched again, and just shook my head at Mom. "I…I…I want to …stay," I said hoarsely.

Mom left me in the grass as I saw a light flicker on from across the street. I heard a foot step and some muffled voices, but I'm guessing they didn't know it was me. A little later in the morning Mom came back out and picked me up, carrying me upstairs to my bed. She left me there and just let me sleep for the rest of the night.

I didn't care if I ever saw my dad again.


	13. Chapter 13

**_I'm becoming slow on the updates...sorry! Hopefully this chapter quinches your story craving.  
And reviews make me happy :)_**

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Chapter 13

The next day I was very sore as I was for the day after. Soda came over that Monday after his shift and just spent some time holding my hand while I was in bed. He didn't stay very long and told me he'd make it up to me tomorrow. I grinned weakly; he had a surprise planned for my birthday.

The next day I felt completely better. Maybe it was because it was my sixteenth birthday, or maybe I really did feel better. But then, today was the day I was supposedly getting my driver's license. I was supposed to get the official Illinois one, but then we moved and my mom had to send all the information here. The lady at the DMV told her it'd be ready on my birthday. Well, actually she said April 12, but that _is_ my birthday, so it works.

I went into my mom's room and jumped on her bed. "Mornin' Ma," I said, grinning. She just laughed. "Honey, it isn't open yet, and besides I've been thinking…:

My smile dropped. "I can't get my license?"

"Well, I mean, I think you should wait until this gender thing works its self out. You won't respond to your biological name, and I'm afraid you'll get in trouble by a cop for correcting him. I just don't want you to get hurt, honey…"

"No!" I protested. "I promise Mom, I'll respond to William if a cop calls me that, I'll even-I'll even let him call me a boy. Please Mom; _please_ can we get my license."

"Do you promise?" I nodded.

"Yes, I promise."

"If I hear you mouthin' off to a cop because of your name, or gender, I'm going to take that license away. No ifs, ands, or buts, is that clear?"

I nodded. "So, can we go?"

Mom laughed. "Yes, just let me get something to eat first."

I watched her eat her breakfast, "Hurry, Mom. _Hurry_." She laughed again, and finally at half past nine we got going.

The DMV was crowded, even for a Tuesday morning. People were lined up, and kids were wailing how bored they were, and teenagers were either shouting with joy, or looking as if the world ended.

Mom and I took our spots in line, her hands equipped with DMV necessities like my birth certificate and other paper work. The DMV line took forever and when our time came, we were greeted by a not so cheerful lady.

"What're you here for?" She asked us dully.

"My child's picking up a driver's license," my mom stated, making sure to not use "he" or "she."

"Do you have the birth certificate?" Mom nodded, showing her the paper. The lady looked at me then at the paper. "Fill out all the areas marked," she said again in her bored voice. She handed us our number and we took a seat.

Mom started filling out the paperwork they gave us. She chuckled at some of the asked questions. "Are you a man or a woman?"

I bit on my lip; I knew she was just kidding. "_Mom_." I blushed. "That's not funny." I cringed inside watching her check the box labeled male. She knew it was bothering me, but we both knew we had to put whatever society deemed me as for all the answers, and not what I was.

She finished the rest of the papers and we just sat there waiting for our number to be called. We were E05 and they weren't even to the C's yet.

"So," Mom began. "How does it feel to be sixteen?"

I shrugged. "When I can drive, I'll tell you."

"Just remember what I said…"

"Yeah, I know."

She smiled and ruffled my hair. "I'm making your favorite cake, y'know."

I grinned. "Chocolate? With Chocolate brownie pieces sprinkled on top?"

Mom laughed. "You're going to die from all that chocolate."

"Nah." I shook my head about to speak as the announcer came on. "E05, E05, please report to window number four." I looked down at our ticket and followed my mom to the window. She handed over the paper work as the person behind the window just nodded.

"Alright, William, go to that section to have your picture taken, and then your license will be ready in ten minutes."

I walked to the where she pointed and waited in the line impatiently. I tapped my foot while I waited and when my turn came I grinned. "Smile," the photographer said, and I just grinned. I was finally on one step closer to my freedom.

I got my license ten minutes later and Mom and I left. When we got home I just grinned at her. "Can I take the car for a drive?"

"_My_ car?"

"Well, yeah. Peter's is all rusted. No offence, it's not really cute."

"Honey, I would feel better if you take his car. I need mine to do some errands and I cannot for the life of me, work his car. If you want to drive, you take his car until he gets back. Then, we'll decide on the situation of you possibly getting your own car."

I sighed. She wasn't going to budge on me driving her car. I just nodded and took my license and pried the door to Pete's car open. His truck was old and rusty, and it wasn't in the greatest shape in the world. But, I had to get used to it. It was my new ride for the time being.

I sat in the rusty car, forcing the mirrors to the right position for me. When that was done, I put the key in the ignition and drove off to the DX.

The line at the gas pumps were long, and it didn't help that the elder couple in front of me were chatting up a storm with Soda. The lady was going on about how he was a sweet boy and when she thought her husband wasn't looking, gave Soda a nickel.

The older man chuckled and apologized to Soda. "I'm sorry. If she'd had her way, we'd be here all night. Now c'mon, honey, we want to get to Joey's party before he turns twelve." The couple got into their car and drove off.

I rolled down my window as Soda came over. "Hey," I greeted.

He grinned back. "Nice truck y'got there. It yours?"

I shook my head. "I wish. It's my brothers, but I drive it until he comes back."

"From Nam, right?"

I looked at the floor of the truck. I don't know why I kept saying _when_ he was coming back, the proper word should be _if_, not when. But Mom won't say if, only when, and I guess that's rubbed off on me.

"Uh, yeah." I bit on my lip again and Soda knew what was going on.

"Don't worry," Soda reassured me. "He's fine. So, got any plans for tonight?"

I shook my head. "Just cake an' presents with Mom."

"Then come over," Soda said. "I've got a present you'll never forget."

I shook my head at him. "Soda, I told you I'm not ready for sex."

"Then we won't have sex. C'mon, Bill, live a little. It's your sixteenth birthday, have a little fun."

"I said I'm not _ready_ for sex, Sodapop," I replied annoyed.

"I know. I'm not going to force you, Billie. Trust me. We'll do something else. Maybe have something to drink. Unless you're a virgin to drinking."

I laughed. "Soda, _please_. Drinking's something I've done plenty of. I've been drinking since I was eight years old."

"Bullshit. Catholic communion grape juice mixed with wine doesn't count."

"Alight, alright, since I was thirteen then."

"Jus' come over tonight, Bill. Give ya a present you-hopefully- won't forget."

"What? Gonna get me wasted or somethin'? Well, Sodapop, it takes_ a lot _to get me wasted. Like six or seven. And ain't ya gonna put some gas in my car?"

"Already did. I'm just waitin' for my pay."

I leaned over and kissed him on the lips. "There. I paid."

"Don't think the boss will go for that…He kinda likes money."

"Oh, well then here." I handed Soda a little more than what the gas cost and told him to keep the change. "See you tonight." I waved at him as I drove back to my house.

It was mid-afternoon by now and when I pulled into the driveway, I saw that Mom already decorated the house with "Happy Birthday" banners and balloons. I walked into the house and was immediately greeted with a hug from her.

"Happy Birthday sweetheart," she said for what seemed like the hundredth time today.

"Thanks Mom…Is that cake I smell?"

"Yes, it's almost done. Don't touch it until it's ready. I know you like to stick your fingers in when I'm not looking."

"Mom, Soda wants me to go over to his house tonight, can I?" I asked, even though I was going over no matter what she said.

"That's fine, dear. It's your birthday. Just don't stay out to late."

"I won't, I promise." I heard the timer in the kitchen go off and grinned. My cake was ready. I rushed into the kitchen and Mom just laughed sticking candles in the cake. She sang her off-key version of "Happy Birthday," then told me to make a wish.

I had no clue what to wish for. There were many different ideas floating around in my mind, and I decided on one wish: _I wish everything will stay as it is forever._ Currently, everything after Saturday night went great, and I didn't want anything to change.

My mom sliced the cake and the two of us ate the cake until we couldn't eat anymore. Then she headed off into the dining room with some packages, and I grinned. Presents! Before she could even place them in front of me, I already was ripping the paper off.

Pretty soon the trash pile grew and the gift pile was visible to reveal some clothes, a journal, and some water color paints and paper. I hugged Mom to thank her and looked across the street. Soda would be home soon, and I knew just how to surprise him.

I pulled the tags off my new clothes and tried them on. It wasn't pink this time, and they were actually pretty cute. I tied in a matching blue ribbon to go with my outfit and then modeled the outfit to Mom.

She just smiled and kissed the top of my head. "I'm glad you like it honey. Are they too big? I have the receipt if you need to take them back…"

I shook my head. "They're perfect just the way they are."

Mom just smiled shaking her head. She kept seeing me look across the street for Soda. When he finally got in his house, Mom just laughed. "Alright, you can go over now."

I waved good bye before I bolted out the door to go visit Soda. Before I could even knock on the door, Soda opened it for me.

"Hey," he greeted, kissing my cheek. "Happy birthday, Bill. You look cute."

I blushed. "I got it today. So, what d'you have planned?" I asked him, swaying back and forth.

"Maybe a drink or two, then back here. What d'ya say?"

"Sure." I shrugged; I didn't see a problem in that.

"Lemme just get ready," he said. I just nodded as Ponyboy came up to me.

"Hey Billie," he said in a tone I've never heard him use before."So why _do_ you get your own private changing room in gym?"

Was he still bothering me about that? I just shrugged. "Fuck off, Ponyboy."

"Are you hidin' something?" He asked, causing me to blush. Fuck. He didn't know, did he? "Y'know, you're pretty flat for a chick. How come? You are a chick, right?"

The color drained from my face.. "Yeah, I'm a chick. Just, um, just go away Ponyboy." I rolled my eyes, watching him walk away. I was pretty sure he knew, but right now it's my word against his—I was pretty sure I'd win.

When Soda finally came out, I rushed over to him and gave him a hug and he returned the favor.

"So, we're ya taking me?" I asked Soda. We walked out of his house before he answered me.

"You'll see."

I stopped in my tracks. "Is it a party, a club, or just some private place? I'm not moving until you answer."

"You hear of that place near the tracks?"

"That brick building? One with lotsa noise?"

"Yeah, that one."

"We're going there?" I could see his face drop, like I wasn't going to let him go to a party.

"Unless you don't want to…" he started.

"No, it's fine. I'll tough it out for tonight. I don't mind, Soda."

He kissed me again. "We won't stay long, I promise."

I shook my head. "Soda, I'll stay as long as you want." I kissed him back.

We both went inside to the party, and he grabbed my waist. I blushed, making sure to stay close to him. He had a look of _this is my girl_ on his face, and I couldn't help but giggle. I stayed close to him throughout the whole party, even when we ran into Steve and Evie.

Soda let go of my waist, and went over to talk to Steve. I was left alone with Evie who made her way over to me, smiling. "Want a drink?" She offered, handing out a cup of some sort of liquid.

I knew it wasn't something I should be drinking, but I took it anyway to be polite. I took a sip and scrunched my nose in disgust. "What is this shit?"

She shrugged, and I ended up dumping the rest in the trash. We stood by each other for a good thirty minutes before Soda and Steve came back. They both were a little tipsy, I could tell. Soda grabbed my waist again and grinned. "Wanna go back to my place?"

I shrugged again. "Sure."

Soda kept a hold onto my waist as we walked all the way back to his house. As we went inside I took notice of the empty house. "Pony an' Darry ain't here right now, it's jus' you an' me."

I nodded. "I can tell-Soda!" I shrieked, giggling. He picked me up, laying me on the couch. He jumped on top of me, and began kissing me. I blushed, not wanting him to get to close to that area. I kissed him back, though, and we started getting violent.

He started trying to wrestle off my clothing and almost got my shirt off, still kissing me, when he got to the lower half of my body. He started tugging on my skirt, running his hand over the creases in the new fabric.

He froze when he got halfway down and jumped back.

"B-Billie?"

Oh, shit. "Yeah?"

"What's _that_? Well, I know what that is, but why is it on you? You're a chick right?"

I turned red. "Well, _mentally_ I'm a chick, but physically…"

His face turned whiter than Christmas snow. "You're a?"

I weakly nodded my head. "That won't be a problem will it?"

"Of course not…" he said sarcastically," I always like my chicks with dick…OF COURSE THAT'S A PROBLEM! I date _girls_, Billie-if that's even your real name."

"Soda," I said softly. "I can explain."

"Explain what? That you like dudes? That you're a queer? Fuck Billie, you just don't hide this shit, it's just not something you hide. I knew Ponyboy was right…," he muttered.

"_He _told you? When I get my hands on that little shit I'm gonna..."

Soda's anger rose. "You're gonna what? _Don't you fucking dare touch my baby brother, Billie. Don't you fucking dare!"_

_"But Soda,"_ I whined. "I can explain."

"Billie," Soda took a deep breath. "Billie, I don't date boys. I like girls, and I'm not queer." He ran his fingers through his hair. "I can't believe-Jesus Christ; I can't believe you never told me."

"I'm telling you now."

"Bill, I can't…I'm not…"

"I understand," I said softly.

"Good. 'Cause I don't wanna make this harder than it is. Let's just forget this whole thing even started," he said.

"I can't," I muttered softly. "I can't forget Soda; I love you."

"Yeah, listen Bill, I…you're a guy. I can't…it's just…no offence…It's…I can't do this. I'm not queer."

"I know Soda, I know. But I thought that maybe you'd understand."

"Understand _what_? What it's like to be with chicks with dicks? Being queer? I ain't got no knowledge in that department. None at all."

"Now that you know, I'm not afraid to have sex with you anymore."

Soda snorted. "Billie, I'm not going to have sex with a guy. I think you should just go home now, forget this relationship thing ever happened."

I sighed, and walked out of Soda's house. There was no point in going back, now that he knew all I could do was move on.

Sodapop Curtis and me were all the past now, and I still was madly in love with him.


	14. Chapter 14

_**I've been getting back into the swing of writing again, so, expect more updates. This is actually almost done, minus a few more chapters. **_

**_Disclaimer:Still don't own. :D_**

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**Chapter 14**

I didn't speak to Soda for the rest of the week. I didn't speak to _anyone_ for the rest of the week. I just shut myself in my room away from mankind. Mom didn't know what happened, and I wasn't planning on telling her.

I stayed in my room drawing and writing, and writing and drawing. I felt trapped in myself, and in this world around me. One of the things that made me feel like a normal girl, I lost. I knew it'd take a miracle for him to change his mind, and I don't believe in miracles.

I also don't believe in God, either. I stopped believing in him the day I got sentenced to that church camp. When something that's supposed to be so sweet and innocent treats you like hell, you pretty much stop believing. The minute I had to start writing bible verses as punishment, I knew there was no such thing as God.

I tried to believe in him, I really did. I prayed for ways out of camp; I prayed for hope, for love, acceptance. When none of that happened, I stopped believing and never looked back. I don't tell my parents this, or Peter, because they're all devoted Catholics and it's the one thing _they _have, and It's the one thing Mom keeps faith in to let her know Pete's safe.

I don't have any faith, in a_nything_, and I don't really _have_ anything. In fact, sometimes I wonder why I'm still here.

I've yet to figure that out.

Mom gave me the journal for my birthday telling me to write out my emotions, or better yet, try and tell my story. She says that maybe one day my story could help out a kid just like me…If anyone else like that exists

I'll believe that when it happens.

Currently, the journal is blank except for a sketch of a heart cut in half, and an empty glass bottle. It probably means something about Soda, hell, it probably _is_ something relating to Soda, but it doesn't matter. That's the past, and we're not a future.

I was out of reality so long, I lost track of the days and didn't even know I had school tomorrow. I didn't really want to go, but I knew I had to. It was the one thing to keep me from insanity. That, and Pete's latest letter.

I read it again for the millionth time since I got it two days ago. It was the only thing I felt I had to look forward to for a future.

_Hey Squirt_

_Ma says you're going by Billie now? She's caved and finally started calling you what you wanted to be called. How's Tulsa? Meet anyone? Boys? Girls? …People? Or are you just stuck in your room the whole time moping? I'm kidding…at least, I hope I am._

_I'm not going to lie to you, it sucks here. It's hot and sweaty, and you feel like you just want to melt. And the chicks here, they don't speak much English and the lack of females around this place will drive me insane. It sucks to have to get pleasure from an out dated magazine. _

_Don't tell Beth I'm doing that, or she'll have a heart attack. She's already written me more times I can count, all talking about how she loves me and how she can't wait to get married. I know you don't like her much, but she gets better, I promise._

_I already told Mom this, so I'm telling you. Beth's gonna stay in Tulsa with us until the wedding, and after wards we'll buy a place somewhere. Man, even that shit hotel we stayed at with the roaches seems like paradise compared to where I'm at…Which I can't tell you, sorry._

_I'm counting down the days until I'm told I can leave, which should be around May or June…probably June. And if I ever try and talk you into letting me join another war, slap me. This seemed right at the time, and now, it feels pointless and like I've wasted a chunk of my life._

_Be glad Dad didn't send you to Military School! You would have really died there, not that you aren't tough. I thought football conditioning was bad, imagine that, times ten in hundred degree weather all at once…._

_Speaking of Dad, have you talked to him? I know you think this is bullshit, but Dad does love ya, squirt. He just can't understand your mind, and what this means to you…which, being over here has made me realize how stupid I've been over stuff like that._

_Anyways, I've really got to get going now and I'll see you hopefully in June!_

_Love_

_Pete (Banquo)_

_P.S: The guys behind me are laughing at my Shakespearian name Mom gave me…I wonder if any of them have read Macbeth? Or have mothers that shout "Out damn spot" when they do laundry?_

I laughed again silently at Pete's letter. While we haven't been very close in the past, him going off to war has actually made us closer. I was actually looking forward to him coming back, and it was one of the few things worth looking forward too.

I ended up losing track of the time and stayed up all night. Actually, I had school in an hour and I took that hour finally changing out of the clothes I've been wearing all week. I pulled on my more boyish clothes and sighed.

School was not something I wanted to do.

When I looked at the clock again I noticed how late I was, and grabbed my bag, and ran off to school for what I didn't know was going to be Hell.

The morning started off fine, all we did was review to make sure our brains were in school mode again, and I even had a pop quiz in my math class.

It wasn't until around gym I started to see people acting strange around me. Most people did at first, but these guys were acting like it was my first day all over again. I heard whispers and echoes as I walked down the hall, and nothing could have prepared me for what I saw. My locker…it was trashed. Well, what was left of it, anyways. Someone must've found out about me, and if they didn't know, they did now.

My locker had the work FAGGOT painted into it, with burn in hell below it. Whatever I left in that locker was nothing but ash now; it was all gone. I didn't know who did this, or who knew. I wanted to think it was Ponyboy, but even I knew he wouldn't do this.

I still managed to have to go to gym class, and my teacher didn't really care about my situation. As if having your locker burned up excuses you from school work, it should.

Gym class went shitty, and when I stepped out of class to change, I was already greeted by a few classmates, Most of them I didn't know, and they didn't w_ant_ to know me.

"Hey," one slurred at me. "You're that chick, Billie right?"

I didn't know what to say.

"Wait, _chicks _have _vaginas_. You're a dude."

I stayed silent, not making a sound. I wanted to make a comeback, something sarcastic, but my mouth couldn't speak.

I knew something was coming; I just didn't know what.

Chapter 14


	15. Chapter 15

**_I don't own the Outsiders, I really don't._**

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**Chapter 15**

The guy cussed me out again, calling me faggot and dyke over and over, sometimes adding in the word queer. He was going to do something to me, I know he was. I shut my eyes too afraid to fight back when he hit me.

I was trying not to cry, but I couldn't help it. I hurt everywhere, and I felt a kick in the ribs, and tasted blood that entered my mouth. I got backed into a corner, and cuddled up next to the wall to afraid to move.

I heard a snipping sound, some laughter, and another cuss word. I opened my eyes just enough to see what the guys did and I wanted to die at the sight I saw.

A pile of my once long black hair was lying on the floor next to the scattered remains of a notebook.

The bell rang, and the guys scattered leaving me alone. I didn't know what to do, so I just skipped the rest of the day and went home. I left my stuff the way it was, hoping that maybe someone would see what really happened, from my point of view.

I went back into my room and curled into a ball. I didn't want to go back, and I wasn't. I was going to drop out and I wasn't going to let Mom stop me.

I ended up crying myself to sleep, and when I woke a few hours later, I finally took glimpse of myself in the mirror.

I looked like shit.

My hair was cut up to many different lengths, my lip was swollen from biting on it so hard, I was bleeding, and when I pulled up my shirt, I had a rather large bruise near my ribs. I didn't know how I was going to fix myself until I caught glimpse of a magazine cover with the Beatles on it.

It was shorter than I've had my hair in a long time, but there weren't that many choices. I rummaged through the drawers for some spare money, and took the five dollars I had saved with me. I wasn't so sure how much haircuts cost in Tulsa, so I figured bringing five was a safe bet.

I switched out of my school clothes into a pair of tattered jeans and an old hooded sweatshirt of Pete's and stuffed the money in my pocket. I pulled the hood over my head, and walked down to wherever I could find a beauty parlor.

I heard the bell jingle over the door as I stepped inside and blushed. All of the ladies in there were something I wasn't: pretty. I didn't know whether or not they'd even take me looking like this. I looked like a beat up greaser boy instead of a little girl.

I went up to the receptionist who just raised an eyebrow. "May I help you?" She asked, getting more and more interested as she looked me up and down. I was guessing not many "boys" came in here.

"Yeah," I said to her a little softly. "Can you fix me?"

She looked at me funny again. "Fix…you? How so?"

I lowered my hood down a little and heard her make a noise and muttered:"Oh my lord." I bit on my lip, trying to avoid the swollen parts. She smiled back at me as nicely as she could. "Just take a seat, sweetheart, and will see what we can do." She had me write down my name and pointed to the waiting area.

I pulled the hood over my head and sat in the in the corner away from everyone else. I put my legs up in the chair and hugged my knees. I didn't want anyone else to see me like this, especially people I knew.

I stayed as far from the people as I could, and flinched at my name being called. I didn't know if I wanted to run or not; I didn't want to show people, even if I had to. I waited again as my name got called. The receptionist looked at me, and nodded her head. "Your turn, kid."

I just nodded biting on my thumbnail. I walked over to where I was directed and climbed into the chair as the lady came over. "What can I do for ya, sweet heart?" She asked as I handed her the crumpled up magazine cover. She looked back and forth between me and the cover.

"Beatles, eh? I haven't seen that in a while."

I just nodded as she asked me to pull down my hood. I hesitated before doing the deed. I saw her eyes get wide. "Lord have mercy," she breathed in then out. "What did you do to your hair, kid?"

I shook my head slowly. "I ain't do nothin'," I whispered softly. "I ain't done nothin' at all."

She just shrugged and pulled out the scissors, causing me to tense up. "Relax kid," she reassured me. "It's just a hair cut; I'm not going to cut your arm off or nothin'." I nodded again, and tried to relax as she went to even up what was left of my hair.

She finished soon enough, and left me alone to stare at what she did. I didn't know how to react; it didn't look like me at all. I knew it w_as_ me, but it didn't feel like me at all.

After sitting there for minutes, I got out of the chair and paid the receptionist, before leaving. As I headed out the door I bumped into someone.

"Sorry," I whispered to the person.

"That's alri-Billie?" She looked at me and I turned red.

"Evie?" I turned even darker.

"Yeah, how are you? Your haircut's cute." She smiled at me. "I haven't seen you in a while."

"Th-thanks." I blushed. "I've been busy," I replied.

"Oh." She winked at me. "With Soda?"

I shook my head softly. "We're…we're…taking a break," I said.

She put on a sympathetic look. "I'm sorry. I have this friend I know who's been looking for a nice girl like you…"

"No," I said quickly. "I..I still like Soda, he's just not ready."

"Oh," she said. "I understand. He's still not okay after what happened with Sandy."

"What happened?" I asked, following her outside for a walk.

"He and my friend Sandy, they were together for a while, about a year. Everyone thought they were perfect together, and one day Soda proposed to her—unofficially, that is. Soda was going to wait until after Ponyboy moved out, and then Sandy got herself pregnant-not by Soda. She met this guy who led her on, and well, her parents found out, Soda too, and she moved to Florida to live with her grandmother and the baby. Soda was one of the most understanding boys I think I have ever met. He knew the baby wasn't his, and he even offered to help her raise the baby, saying it could be 'theirs'. Sandy felt too guilty to let him do that and wrote him a letter breaking up with him. Soda was devastated, and Ponyboy being gone didn't help."

"Ponyboy was gone?" I never heard that story.

"You didn't know?" She asked and I shook my head. "He and his friend were involved in some murder of some soc. It was all over Tulsa, and Ponyboy and his friend-I can't remember him, but I'm sure Steve does-ran away after that. They were gone for a week, and when Ponyboy came back he was blond, and his friend was put in the hospital and then...died. "

"What happened?"

"Ponyboy and his friend saved these kids from a burning church, and became heroes for that. And that week Ponyboy was gone, Sodapop was in the worst state I'd ever seen him in. Sandy wasn't that much better, she had to move that week and then I lost my best friend. I mean I guess I still have Sylvia, but she's been extremely moody after her boyfriend died."

"How did he…?" I felt bad. Evie had some strange friends who have been through a lot more than I can imagine.

"He was involved in the fire. He went to check on Ponyboy and his friend, and he got wrapped up in the whole thing. When that kid died, he couldn't take it anymore and had the cops shoot him. He said he was going to shoot them, but his gun wasn't loaded. The cops believed him, hell who wouldn't? He was the baddest hood you'd ever meet, and when Sylvia found out he was dead, she felt terrible. They dated on and off, and she and him cheated on each other on and off, but they liked each other, I guess. Sylvia and Dally never expressed emotions about stuff like that."

"His name was Dally?" I snorted a little bit. "Is having strange names a part of Tulsa tradition?"

"Dally was from New York, moved here when he was seven. Put in jail at the age of nine. He was one guy you never wanted to be on the bad side of. He was always wanted, and the cops were relieved to kill him."

"That's terrible. I mean, how he died. Both of them…I don't know what to do if someone close to me died. That's what I'm terrified of, my brother dying in Nam."

"He's in Nam?" She asked. "Was he forced?"

I shook my head. "He volunteered. Stupidest thing he's ever done." We walked into the DX.

"Wow. Y'know, its nice having another girl to talk to for once, one who isn't caught up with her boyfriend or something."

"Yeah, well, I don't have a boyfriend 'cause of Soda."

Evie shrugged. "He'll come around."

"I hope," I said and saw Steve motioning for me to come over to him.

"Billie," He said, and then stared at me. "Billie? What the fuck happened to you?"

I shrugged, looking away from Steve. "I…Steve, some kids at school did it."

He didn't say anything, but asked instead," What the fuck did you do to Soda? 'Cause of you, he won't go near any chicks."

"I didn't _do_ anythin' to Soda. He just freaked out over nothin'."

"Soda don't freak out over nothin', Billie. And why the fuck do you look like a guy?"

"I've always dressed like this. It ain't bother you before."

"Before, you ain't look like some sort of man-chick tryin' to pass as a Soc."

"Fuck, Steve," I ran my hand over my face. "You didn't seem to care until now. Why's that? Before, you were actually kinda cool with me, now you're actin' like an ass."

"Normally I don't really care who Soda dates, but you really fucked him up. I don't know if you guys gone all the way or not, but whatever you did, Soda ain't gonna be the same about chicks. Listen, I'm sure you're not that bad of a girl, but Soda really don't need a skag right now. He needs a broad that has the whole package deal an' not one that will torment him whenever they try to go all the way. Y'dig?"

"No, I don't Steve. You're sayin' I should stay away from Soda because I'm not _pretty_, or because," I took a deep breath, scared of saying the words I was about to say. Fuck, Soda already knew, and it wouldn't be long before Steve hears it at school. "Or because, I'm a chick with a dick."

Steve's eyes went wide and his face grew pale. "You're _what?_ No wonder Soda's scared of chicks now, hell, who wouldn't be? To be sittin' there with your girl, about to fuck, an' then she pulls out the hose. Shit Billie, that's disgusting. No wonder Soda's scared, it ain't right. He ain't a queer and neither am I, and here you come tryin' to make him into one. I ain't big in religion an' shit, but even I know that boys have dicks, and girls have vaginas. And the one you have is the gender you're stuck with. So get some help, or start dressin' like a dude."

I sighed, and I couldn't take Steve anymore. He was once my friend, and now he isn't. "Steve, just stay outta somethin' that ain't your fight." I flipped him the bird and went over to the cashier to get a drink. Unfortunately, the cashier was Soda.

"Hi," I said to him, avoiding eye contact.

"Hey," he said. I could tell he was uncomfortable, and if it wasn't for being the only cashier right now, he would have sent me to someone else. "Come to suck my cock?" he snapped. "Or was there another secret you forgot to mention?"

"I came for a drink, with Evie."

"So now you're fuckin' with chicks too? What are you, some sort of greedy whore?"

"No, she's just a friend. Possibly the _only _friend in Tulsa. I like boys Soda, you know that."

"I also know you're a queer, and not a real girl."

"Fuck you, Sodapop Curtis," I spat at him. "Fuck you in the ass."

He snorted, and I flipped him the bird, also. "Not one fuckin' word."

I turned around and stomped out of the DX, passing Two-Bit on my way in. He let out an amused look and flipped him off, also.

I made it halfway home before running into Ponyboy. Fuck, why was today of all days, "run into greasers day?"

Ponyboy snorted. "What the hell happened to you?"

I couldn't take it anymore. "You got your fuckin' wish, Ponyboy! Everyone knows now!"

He looked at me puzzled. "What wish?"

"Everyone knows I have a fuckin' dick, now! You happy?

He shrugged. "So that's why Soda's angry. Don't blame him, you are one freaky guy."

I could feel the anger in me. "Fuck you, Ponyboy Curtis," I hissed.

He looked a little uncomfortable. "I like girls, sorry." His face was red at the words he said. "Not what you are."

"Really? It didn't sound like it when you were askin' me those same questions day after day. If you WANTED MY DICK," I shouted loudly. "All you had to do was ask!"

He turned redder and I grinned mischievously. I saw a pack of smokes in his back pocket, and I normally never smoked. But with my hair this short, I couldn't twist it like I used to, and I couldn't bite my already bitten to the skin nails. I needed a new reliever. I just smiled at Ponyboy walking closely to him.

He didn't know what I was doing as I quietly sneaked behind him, picking out the smokes. I took one put of the pack and lit it up, inhaling deeply. I coughed, blowing a ring in Ponyboys face.

He raised an eyebrow at me, feeling around for his pack. When he saw some missing, he knew it was his pack.

"Hey," he said. "Those are mine, give them back!"

I shrugged, and put one or two in my pocket before dropping the rest of the pack on the street. "Y'know, a kid your age shouldn't smoke so much, Ponyboy." I kicked the rest of pack into a sewer nearby. The look on his face was priceless.

"That was my last pack, too."

"Buy another," I hissed.

He groaned, which let me know that he probably didn't have any more money for smokes. I just shrugged. I didn't care I kicked his last pack into a sewer. I was probably doing him a favor; smoking probably wasn't good for track, anyways.

I took the butt of the cigarette I was smoking and put it out on his shirt. He muttered something about Darry and I really, honestly, didn't give a shit. I just waved goodbye to him, leaving him to deal with the problem on his own, and went inside my house.

Mom came home ten minutes later.

"Hi," I greeted softly, and she just stared at me.

"Billie, what did you do to your hair?" I saw the strangest look of hope in my mom's eyes. Even though she accepted me, I could tell she looked like she was hoping I decided to "give up" being a girl and be who God wanted me as.

"Kids at school," I muttered. Mom's face went white and her expression changed. She ran over to hug me, and stroked my back.

"Oh honey," she soothed. "Oh honey, are you alright?"

I flinched away.

"Did they hurt you?"

I lied. "No, I'm fine. Just cut off my hair an' stuff…oh yeah, I'm going to need money for new books…and some other stuff."

Mom sighed after I told her the story. "They _burned_ your books? And _locker_?"

I nodded; I was glad she was off the subject of if they hurt me.

"Honey, did you tell a teacher?"

I shrugged. "My teacher knew, but said that's what I get for flaunting myself."

"Did you?" I shook my head. "Mom, I'm not that stupid. They just won't help me, the school hates me."

"Oh honey," she said, rubbing my back. "Oh my little Capulet."

I thought maybe this would be a good time to tell her. "Mom, I'm dropping out."

She pulled away from me. "No." She stared directly into my eyes.

"Why not?"

"Honey, just because school's rough right now, doesn't mean you can quit. Don't you want to walk across that stage with a diploma?"

I shook my head. "No, and the job I want doesn't require that."

Mom sighed. "Honey, the job you want isn't practical. You," She choked on the words, feeling terrible. "You can't be a mother, honey. You can't have kids, and I hate to break it to you, but you're not going to be allowed to adopt. Unless you impregnate a woman, you can't have kids. I'm sorry it's just the way life works. "

"Beth's pregnant," I said simply.

Mom raised an eyebrow confused. "Peter doesn't do that stuff, sweetheart."

"He told me a few months ago. She got knocked up by some man."

Mom didn't seem too pleased by this. "Bethy is very committed to Petey. She wouldn't have sex with other men, sweetie."

"But she did, and now she's gonna have a baby." I wasn't lying, even if I sounded like I was. Bethany really was committed to Peter, but I guess being alone for so long can make anyone desperate. According to Pete, her friends took out her for some fun, and I guess she had a little too much fun.

He told me three months ago that she was a few months along, and Peter didn't care that it wasn't going to be his child. They were both too religious to have an abortion, and Pete said after the war, raising a child should be easy. He was actually excited about it.

"Well, I'll just have to ask her about that when she gets here Friday." I looked at my mom confused.

"What? She's comin'?"

Mom turned red. "You didn't know? _Oh_, Billie I'm so sorry. I forgot to tell you. Bethany's movin' in here until the wedding in August. And from what you've told me, if she's already a few months along, then the baby should be here around July."

Mom didn't seem so angry at Beth anymore. Mom loved babies, even if they weren't hers, and the thought of being an unofficial grandparent kind of excited her.

"Where will she stay?" I asked. I really didn't want to share my room with her. It's going to be hard enough to live with her, let alone have her in my room. "And what about my privacy? She won't call me Billie, and she keeps trying to set me up with her sister! Mom, what about me?"

"Honey, relax. She'll call you Billie; I've already told her that. She's family, honey, she knows just about everything about us. You know that. As for staying, she's staying in Pete's room-the guest room."

"But w_hy_ here? Why can't she live at her house?"

"She wants to surprise Peter by staying here, and wants to have the wedding here in Tulsa. I don't know why, but she does. She's mostly moving here to get the wedding stuff done, and there's no point of buying an apartment for a few months. I offered her to stay here, and she accepted. What's done is done."

I went upstairs in my room to pout again, for the second time that day.

My life was going to hell.

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_**Reviews? Your feed back is apprieciated. Now, to do homework!**_


	16. Chapter 16

**Sorry for the wait. I've been writing, just not Outsiders. But, I have plenty of chapters done so it's not a big problem. Here you go guys, chapter 16. Eh, personally it looked cooler in my head.

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Chapter 16

My mom hasn't let me drop out officially yet, and I don't think she will. She's letting me skip days from school periodically, but as for officially dropping out, that probably won't happen this year. She thinks it's too late in the year to drop out, and that I should just finish my sophomore year before we decide anything.

But, today's Friday, and my mom was off from work, and I skipped school. She wanted me to help Bethany move in. I really didn't want to, but had no choice.

Her car pulled into the driveway and she got out all wobbly. Yeah, she really was pregnant; there was no way she could get that big on her diet. I stood by the door and watched her hug my Mom. Mom saw me standing against the doorway and motioned for me to come over to her.

I didn't want to, but I did anyways.

"Willy!" She grinned, pulling me into a hug.

I pulled away. "It's Billie. My name is Billie. B-I-L-L-I-E."

"Well then, it's nice to see you again, Billie. I look forward to living with you guys, haven't seen you in ages." Her smile went bigger as she saw my hair. "Tryin' to copy the Beatles, eh? Oh, and this little guy says hi too." She patted her stomach and Mom grinned.

"I bet you're excited."

"Yes, Petey too. When I told him, he seemed pretty happy. Mom an' Dad are too, even though I'm a little young. It helps we're almost married and have been dating for ever." She kept leaving out the fact the baby wasn't Pete's.

"Do you have any names picked out?" Mom asked. I could tell she was getting her Shakespeare names back in her head, ones she would use if she ever had another kid.

Bethany nodded. "I was thinking of something classy for a boy. Like Patrick, or Darryl, or Michael. Or maybe something like Calvin-Theodore." I snickered at the first names she mentioned. I was going to feel sorry for that baby, whatever name it got as a boy.

"As for a girl, something cute, like Rose, or Eloise, or Daisy." I was gonna feel sorry also for the girl. Shit, I was going to be an aunt to a kid with a boring name, or sounded like candy. The names sounded ridiculously cute, or extremely lawyer-like.

"Why don't you be more original? Give the kids a name to be proud of," I said, and she looked offended. Mom hissed at me.

"Honey, that's rude. It's _her_ child, not yours. Let her pick out the names."

Bethany chipped in her own two cents. "How can you be original with names? I'm just going by some names I saw in this baby book from the library."

"You don't _have _to pick by the book," I said to her and she looked even more hurt. "You can name the kid anything you want, even something ridiculous like Apple Juice."

Bethany shook her head. "No child of mine will have some abnormal name, besides, that's ridiculous. Why would I hurt my child like that? No one could possibly love a child with a name like that."

Now _I_ was the one getting offended. Even if Soda and I weren't together anymore, I still really, really, liked him and hated to hear people making fun of his name. Even if it wasn't _his_ name, it was the originality of his name that was being made fun of.

"Yeah, well, who _couldn't_ love a name like that?"

"_Billie," _Mom warned. She knew what I was doing. I was bringing Sodapop into a conversation he didn't belong in.

"I'm just saying she didn't need to say it like that," I whispered to my mom. "She insulted Soda."

"She doesn't know, honey," Mom said.

I didn't care, she still insulted him. I stomped up to my room and pouted again. I missed Soda, and I wish I wasn't so stupid. I wanted him back, and I didn't know how to get him back. He was done with me, and I wasn't finished,

It wasn't like Frankie, who when he said he was done, I knew he was done. Soda was done because he was scared. I know he was scared. But if he had to see me again, he would. And I knew his one weakness.

If I could get Pony to rat on me, Soda would come and have to talk to me. Sure, he'd probably whoop my ass, but confrontation, is confrontation.

I spent the rest of the weekend helping Bethany get settled in, and even though I hated school, leaving the house for that was defiantly worth it. Bethany started to get more moody lately and started yelling at me and my mom for some of the craziest food choices in the world.

Walking into school that day wasn't so great. I didn't have any of my stuff still, and that corner where I was hurt was swept up like nothing had even happened. No one even noticed.

The news about me spread faster than I thought, and when I walked down the halls the words they called at me were worse than before. It was terrifying to be in such a place, and I knew then with or without Mom's permission I was going to drop out.

Putting up with Beth seemed easier than this, and she wasn't easy.

When lunch came around, it wasn't that great. Sometimes when I was dating Soda, Steve an' Two-Bit would let me tag along to get lunch, but today when Two-Bit offered, Steve whispered something to him and that was the end of that.

I wasn't even hungry, but I got lunch anyway. It gave me something to do. I got my tray and headed to a table near the back, but on my way I bumped into someone. They saw who I was and snickered. "Move, faggot," they said to me, causing the rest of the cafeteria to snicker along. He purposely made me spill my lunch on my clothes, and just left me standing there.

I didn't know what to do or say and just stood there. The rage inside of me was growing and then I snapped. I followed behind the guy that pushed me.

"What'd y'call me?"

"You heard me, _fag_."

"I'm not a cigarette, "I stated. "But I could sure as fuck use one. Like how you could use a breath mint."

The cafeteria snickered again, this time some "oohs" mixing in. They knew a fight was bound to happen, and I could see some of the guys possibly making bets. He pushed me, and I just laughed.

"So, you're actually going to touch me? I thought you were scared to get my fag germs."

"Shut the fuck up, "he hissed into my ear. He pulled me up to his height, and I kicked him, square in the balls.

I smirked as he dropped me, "Score one for the fag." I knew I was in for some trouble, possible expulsion, but I didn't care.

I hopped on top of the table and grinned. "Anyone else got somethin' they needa say to me?" I called out to the cafeteria. Someone called out something and I just shook my head. I hopped down from the table top and went to who said it.

I took notice that it was the same table Ponyboy Curtis was sitting at. I knew it wasn't his voice that said the words shouted at me, but I didn't care. I wanted to take it out on someone, and Pony just happened to be the only one around.

"What d'you want?" Ponyboy spat at me.

I shrugged, and knew he was my ticket to getting Soda back. "Nothin," I said.

"Then why are you over here…?" He asked, confused. "Soda ain't gonna like you being over here."

"I know," I replied with a smirk.

"Then why're you over here?" He asked again.

"Because, I know you want me, Ponyboy." I winked at him, and he turned red.

"N-no I don't. I like girls."

"But I _am_ a girl," I whispered to him in the ear. I stood up straight and smirked, calling out to the cafeteria," Isn't that right, everybody? Aren't I a girl?" They made cackling noises and whispered behind my back. "If I wasn't a _girl,_" I called out again. "Then why would I do _this_?" I leaned in, smashing my lips against Ponyboy's.

He looked horrified and I just grinned to myself. I knew this was going to get me suspended or something, not that I really cared. I wanted to drop out, and now I was. I was just going out with a bang, like I would have when I was a kid.

Soda would have to talk to me now.


	17. Chapter 17

_**I'm so sorry for the lack of update. I lost the ability to write...I'll try to update more. On a more important note: Transgender students have higher rates of dropout and suicide than most heterosexual students. This is in TODAYs time, so imagine in the times of the book, where being an LBGT student is twice the stress and twice the disapproval it has today.**_

_**I do not own the characters from The Outsiders. Just Billie, and her family.**_

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Chapter 17**

I got called down to the principal's office, and well, that didn't go so hot. I mean, I knew it wasn't going to go so hot since my goal was to get kicked out of school.

The principal was not pleased to see me. "Nice to see you, um, Billie." He straightened his tie. "Did I not warn you about flaunting yourself? If didn't, I will now. Public display of affection is against the rules for _everyone_. Only exception is in dramatic class plays. Now, why did you do this Billie? Are you and Mister Curtis in a relationship?"

I giggled to myself.

"What's so funny?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm not with _Ponyboy_ Curtis, but I dated his brother, Sodapop."

"Then why did you kiss uh, Ponyboy?"

"Simple. I want to get kicked out."

"Why on Earth would a child like you want to get kicked out of school, Billie? You make good grades, you're a new student, and you haven't been to visit me except this once."

"I…don't like Tulsa," I stated, biting on my lip. "The kids here are mean to me, and I really just don't want to come."

"Well, my advice is to not flaunt yourself, and maybe join a club. There you'll make some excellent lifelong friends. What kind of things are you interested in?"

I smirked. I was going to get out of this school on the best way I possibly could. I knew the exact club to say, and I knew when I said that he'd get all uncomfortable and have to let me go.

"I like cock."

His jaw dropped, and he tried to find a reasonable emotion. He was beginning to sweat. "Are you, a, farmer? You like farming, Billie? We don't have a club for that, but we have a garden club…maybe you could try that..?"

I shook my head as he gulped. "No, I like _sucking_ cock. Y'know, that thing people call sex?"

He patted his head with a rag, dabbing off the sweat. "That's inappropriate, Billie. You don't want me to call your mother and tell her about this discussion, do you?"

"No," I whispered. "She already knows." He didn't know what to say and saw what I kept staring at. He slid me the forum from his desk. "Are you sixteen, Billie?"

I nodded.

"Sign here," he said. I was about to sign when he interrupted me. "Your legal name." I nodded and signed the paper, officially making me a high school dropout.

Mom was going to go ape shit, but I didn't care. I was legally old enough to do this without her permission, and I had enough credits to pass the tenth grade, if I ever wanted to go onto eleventh.

He just shook his head as I went out the door, heading home. I went on in as I saw Bethany sitting on the couch in her pajamas eating ice cream and pickles watching soaps.

"Hi," I said, walking in. She shushed me until a commercial came on the screen before asking," Why're you out of school so soon? Is it an early release day?"

I just nodded my head slowly. "Yes, I don't have school the rest of the year. Today's my last day."

She looked confused, but just smiled anyways. "Congrats! I didn't know Tulsa got out _this_ early. Pickle?"

I shook my head. "Don't tell Ma," I said, embedding that into her brain.

Her soap was back on, but she muted it. "William Randolph Clark, did you drop out of high school?"

"No…." She glared at me, and I could have sworn it seemed ten times worse than an average woman's glare. "Yes….," I added weakly.

"Why? You're not stupid, Willy. Your mother isn't going to like this," she said frowning, biting into a pickle.

"You wouldn't understand," I spat at her. I threw a pillow at her as she gasped.

"Don't you hurt my baby!"

I rolled my eyes, stomping up the stairs.

I sat on my bed and started to use the watercolors painting random scenery. The door bell rang half an hour later and Beth refused to get it. I sighed, knowing very well what was coming. I pulled the door open and saw Soda standing there, his brown eyes with blazes in them.

"What the fuck did I tell you, Billie? Stay away from Ponyboy! Christ, why would you do that, Billie?" He ran his fingers though his hair, not giving me time to answer. "Why would you _kiss_ my brother? Do you want him to be as fucked up as you made me?"

I bit on my lip about to cry.

"Answer me, Billie. I told you not to fuck with Ponyboy, and you did. Why?"

"'Cause," I said softly. "I want to drop out."

He raised an eyebrow. "Of school? Why?"

"Because it ain't good for me, Soda. I turned in the slip today; I'm no longer a high school student. You wouldn't get it," I spat at him. "You ain't queer, _remember_?"

"I'm not, but shoot Billie, you were good at school."

"Yeah well, now I'm done."

"Why?" Was all Soda could ask.

"Because I'm _different_, Soda," I shouted. "Because I'm not normal. You said so yourself! When you go through so much shit by people your own age, you just can't anymore, you just …can't."

"Then don't flaunt yourself," Soda said simply.

I glared at him. "Fuck you, Soda." I hissed, feeling the rage inside me, I pressed my lips against his. "Fuck you."

I walked into the house and slammed the door.

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_**Reviews? Sorry for the lack of update :|**_


	18. Chapter 18

**_EEp! I'm SO sorry about not updating as quick as I thought. I'm getting slower at updating, as I usually do. However, I AM almost done with this story. There should be about 23 chapters, possibly 24 but no more than 25 with a bonus prequel chapter(which is already posted on the site). College, other fandoms, and personal life are my excuses. Oops..._**

**_But here's 18! Enjoy!_**

**_Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders, just Billie, her family, and any character you do not recognize from the book  
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Chapter 18**

Mom came home an hour later, in a huge fit of rage. "Billie Rebecca Clark!" she roared, "Get your ass down here now!"

I trudged down the stairs, almost scared of Mom's reaction.

She grabbed my arm. "Why would you drop out when I told you not to?"

I shrugged.

"Answer me," she hissed.

"Because, I don't want to be there anymore. It's not safe. I still have enough credits to make it to the eleventh grade!"

That made Mom feel a little better. She let out a deep breath. "Well, it's your choice. Since you probably can't get a real job, you can watch the Mathew's daughter when she gets home from school. She's six, and her mother's wanted a sitter. I ran into her at the market the day you told me about dropping out, and knowing very well you'd do what you wanted, I told her about you. She seems interested, and in the mornings you can help out Bethy, and in the afternoons you can watch Annie when Mrs. Mathews needs you."

I groaned. I didn't like babysitting little kids, and Mom knew that. I liked little kids just fine, but not babysitting six year olds. The last six year old I babysat was Frankie's sister and she was a pain in the ass.

"It's that, or go back to school for the rest of the year." Mom gave me no other options.

"Fine, I'll watch the kid."

Mom just grinned. "You start tomorrow. Go to bed."

I grumbled, going to bed.

I woke up earlier than I had to for school, all because Bethany needed a trash can. Mom made it my duty to fulfill her every need.

I grumbled rubbing my bed head hair, as Bethany called me for the third time that day.

"Billie!" She hollered, "Where's my bucket?"

I trudged down the stairs, handing her the trash can. She threw up in it, and I groaned. I had to rewash out the can when she was done. She finished, and then asked me to fix her something to eat.

I groaned again. Beth was picky right now about what she ate right now, and made sure I made what she wanted _exactly_ how she wanted it. Then I was stuck watching her soaps, and I lost track of time, both of us did.

Halfway through the third soap we were watching, she told me to get the mail. She didn't have to tell me twice, I was almost joyed to go to leave the house for even a second. I grabbed the mail from the mail box, seeing one labeled to Beth. I just grinned to myself, knowing it was a love letter from Pete.

I threw the rest of the mail on the table, running up to my room to read what my brother wrote to his fiancée. I carefully tore it open, and read.

_My dearest Bethany,_

_ Honey, I finally got the date I'm coming back to Tulsa, are you living at the house now? If so, I hope Ma and Billie are treating you ok. Yes, he goes by Billie now, well, something like that. I can't wait to see you, and our little girl! It's a girl, right? You think it's going to be a girl? And yes, I think Daisy Louise is a pretty name for a girl but I'll talk about that when I get back on June 3__rd__. Yes, you heard me sweetie, June 3__rd__. Then we can start wedding planning. I can't wait to see you, sweet heart. I'm counting down the days._

_ Love always,_

_ Your Peter-Rabbit_

I sniggered. This was so cheesy and so like them. I carefully resealed the envelope and put in on the table. Besides that, June third was right around the corner! Peter was coming home in little less than a month! It was the first good news I've gotten in a long time.

"Billie!" Beth shouted, "I need the bucket!"

I cringed; Beth almost always _missed_ the bucket. I tossed the bucket beside her. "I'm going now," I told her. "It's almost two, and Mrs. Mathews expects me there. I left the number on the table so call me if you go into labor or something," I joked.

She returned the favor with an icy glare. "That's not funny, Willy."

"Billie," I corrected. "_Bil-lie_. Say it with me." I went over to try and help her say my name, but she pushed me away in a bitchy manor.

Pregnant women are no fun. She shook her head and swatted me away from her food. "I'll see you when I get back." I waved to her, walking out the front door and down the street to Two-Bit's house.

I knocked on the door of his house, only to be greeted by his mother.

"Hello," she said to me, smiling. "You must be Billie?"

I just nodded my head, staring at the surroundings.

His house was pretty messy, but I don't think a lot of it was his mess. Unless he plays with teddy bears, blocks, and dolls, then it was probably his sister's mess. But then again, knowing Two-Bit, this could very well be his mess.

"Excuse the mess," she said quickly. "I haven't had time to clean up and Two-Bit's been busy."

I bit back a giggle. Even his own mother called him Two-Bit, I guess no one did call him by his name.

"Annie," Two-Bit's Mom called into the other room. "Come say hi to your babysitter." A little girl with two long red pigtails bounced in. She stared at me for a minute before scrunching her brow. She cocked her head to the side, trying to figure out something with her six year old mind.

"Are you a boy?" She asked me, and I felt my cheeks grow hot.

"Um." I looked at her mom not knowing how to answer. She didn't know anything about me or the situation and just stared.

I put on a hopeful look. "I'm a girl, just like you," I stated, trying to convince her and she blinked her large brown eyes at me.

"But Two-Bit says you look like a boy."

"Well I'm not," I shot back, blushing. "Two-Bit's just being silly," I said, trying to cover up the facts. I didn't want to explain to a six year old my condition no one understood.

"But you're not wearing a dress. My friend Mary says girls aren't supposed to wear pants." Two-Bit's mom waved bye to Annie as she left, leaving me in charge.

"Well, sometimes girls have to wear pants."

"Like when?"

"Like," I tried to think of good situation to tell a six year old for wearing pants. "Like when you're on the monkey bars. If you hang upside down in a dress, all the boys can see your underwear. You don't want boys to see your undies, do you?"

She shook her head. "But you're not on the monkey bars. And you have a lump in your pants like Two-Bit gets when he talks about his friend Kathy."

I looked down all red in the face. There wasn't a reason why I had one, but I guess she could tell. "How about we play a game?" I suggested eager to change the topic.

"Okay," she replied, nodding her head. I guess she liked that idea.

"What do you want to play with?" I asked her, looking around. She pulled in a box of wooden blocks. "Want to help me build a castle?"

I just nodded. I only had an hour before her mom came back from her errands, and blocks was the one game I knew I probably wouldn't mess up.

"Do you have a big brother?" She asked me, out of the blue.

"Yes, but he doesn't live here."

"Where is he? Did he go on vacation like my daddy?"

I bit on my lip not knowing how to tell a six year old my brother was in a war, probably blowing up people. I cringed at the thought, along with the thought of her dad leaving. As much as I hated my dad, at least he had the balls to stay around for my childhood. Annie would never know what it was like to have a dad around, unless her mom got remarried or has a boyfriend or something.

"Yes, he's on vacation for a little while. He comes home in a few weeks."

"Where'd he go?"

I was hesitant answering. I didn't know if she even knew about the war or about war in general. She was only six, and I didn't know if she still believed in the "fairytale" life.

"He went to a place that's very hot-"

"-Like the beach?"

"Something like that, yes."

"Why?"

"He got asked to do an important job by the president."

"What's he doing?" Does this kid ever stop asking questions? She's been asking question after question, and it was starting to become annoying. I certainly hoped I was never like that.

"He's protecting people. He's keeping us safe." I didn't bother with saying my true feelings of the war. I was trying to make it as simple as I possibly could for a six year old to understand, and my opinions didn't fit into the mix.

"Like a superhero?" She asked and I chuckled.

"Yeah, like that."

"Oh," was all she said, and started building with her blocks. I watched her work on her castle, as I heard the door open. I thought maybe her mom came home early, but the figure that came through the door was much taller.

"Annie?" The voice called out.

She perked up. "Two-Bit!" She cried out, running to hug him.

"Hey Squirt," Two-Bit said to her, hugging her. "What'cha been up to?"

She giggled. "I'm building a castle with-" Two-Bit walked into the room we were playing in.

"Hi Billie…," he trailed off awkwardly. "What're you doing here?"

"Um, your mom wanted me to watch your sister. But you're here now so um, I guess you don't need me."

"Yeah, you can leave. Later Billie goat," Two-Bit said to me as I grabbed my things and walked out the door. Being around any of Soda's friends felt weird and it was beginning to get uncomfortable. Two-Bit was the only one who didn't seem extremely uncomfortable around me, but in no way were we buddy-buddy with each other. Our relationship was him just saying hi to me in the hallway and me waving back.

Getting back in the house was sort of a relief. I was greeted by Beth puking her guts into a trashcan and then craving more pickles.

This baby better be fuckin' worth it.

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**_A/N: I forgot to mention, I've gotten a request for turning this story to M rating, which the prequel chapter WILL be rated. What do you guys think? Should this story be rated an M or just stay Teen rated? Tell me so in a review!_**

**_Reviews?  
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	19. Chapter 19

_**Update~ Chapter 19 is up. Almost done with this story, and I've been thinking of possibly having a sequel. Don't quote me on that, but I'm playing around with the idea. Thoughts? Something to do with the Vietnam war and Soda going. Thoughts on that? Oh, and in this chapter you finally get to meet the legendary Pete :]**_

_**Disclaimer: The Outsiders is owned by S.E Hinton. My birthday's next week, though. Think maybe she'd give it to me as a gift?  
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Chapter 19**

Since I've dropped out, the days all seemed to blur together and before I knew it, it was June third, the day Peter said he was coming home. Mom took off work, and we were all headed down to the bus station he said he was going to meet us at. We never got that dreaded letter, so we expected to see him there.

Mom was the one going crazy, almost crazier than Beth. She was standing at the station watching all the other boys hug their mothers, brothers, sisters, girlfriends, as they got back from wherever they came from, and I could tell in her eyes how desperately she wanted to see Pete.

I can't say I didn't miss him, because that's a lie. He is my brother, and it is weird not having him around. Even though it's been only a few months, it still feels like forever. I guess that's the way a lot feels. Even since Soda and I've broken up, it feels like our love was forever ago. I guess I should mention my feelings have sort of faded from how they were. I guess it wasn't true love like I thought it was.

When the last person got off the bus, Mom's eyes lit up. She recognized everything about the boy, starting with his baby blue eyes. Mom rushed over to the boy running, and they both collided in the biggest hug I've ever seen a person do.

"You're home," she cooed. "My baby boy's finally home." He squeezed him tightly, tears streaming down both their faces. I heard my big brother say words he hasn't said since he was a little kid. "I missed you, Mommy," he whispered, resting his head on her shoulder. She kept hugging him, and stopped when they both heard a cough.

"Oh, Petey," the voice echoed.

He rushed over to his fiancée and greeted her with a hug and kiss. She just beamed up at him and grinned. She got what she wanted; her boy came home and she was getting married. She was going to have a family.

I stood by the side shyly. I didn't know what to expect. Peter wasn't emotional, and older brothers don't exactly grope their little brothers in public like they would their girlfriends.

"C'mere squirt!" He grinned, rushing to hug me. "I didn't forget 'bout ya." He hugged me and I hugged back. When a few other people started to stare at me, he dropped me to the ground. "I'm hungry," he stated and Mom chuckled.

"We're going to one of the best places in Tulsa," she said and I groaned. It was on the west side, and we couldn't afford it. But Mom insisted on going to the best place in town because her baby came back home from war.

We all got in the car and Mom drove us off to the restaurant. It looked almost too fancy for us to even go in. In fact, it was one of those restaurants that had a dress code. I looked around at the setting and I really didn't want to go in.

Peter looked uncomfortable too, which was strange. He was never uncomfortable in food places, probably because he could find a way to fit into every environment he was placed in. But I guess he was feeling out of place in his uniform. After all, 'Nam veterans aren't exactly _loved_. Especially with some of the Socs who were starting to imitate the Beatles more and more. The boys were starting to grow their neatly styled hair longer and longer, as it was suddenly becoming cool.

Peter looked at Mom and shook his head. "Can we just get a burger instead?" Mom just shrugged, happy to not have to pay for an expensive meal, not that she would have minded. She didn't care what Pete wanted to eat, she was so happy he was home she'd fly out to China just to bring him an eggroll if he really wanted one.

We all loaded back into the car and went to The Dingo. The food wasn't new to me, or Beth, but Peter devoured the food like he hasn't eaten proper in ages. Which is possible, I guess.

"Good?" I asked.

"Efferrent," he said with his mouth full of food. "Fum, fum, fuhg, ahh."

"What?"

"I said,' it's really good.'"

"Ah."

"Care to see home?" I asked, and Peter's eyes lit up like a child's at Christmas.

"Home? As in, my house with my bed?"

"Yeah. A bed in a house and neighbors. They're really nice. I think Darry's about your age."

His eyes were twinkling at the mention of a person his age, and he chuckled at Darry's name. "Dairy? Like the milk?"

I laughed, even if he wasn't going to get the joke. "It would make sense. But no, Darry, as in short for Darrel.

"What'd'dya mean, it makes sense?"

"You'll see." I grinned. "You'll see."

We pulled in front of the house, and I swear I saw tears in Peter's eyes. I guess I'll never understand why he was so happy to be in a place that to me wasn't that great. After all, he's probably been sleeping in places I'm sure that would make our house look like it belonged on the Soc side of town.

"Billie honey, later on tonight I'd like you to take Peter to meet the neighbors. In fact, I think it'd be nice if you invite them over for dinner. It'll be like the first time we met them all over again."

I groaned. I wasn't on speaking terms with Soda anymore, and the rest of his friends I just stayed away from. But now everything will have to be pushed aside just so my mom can have her fancy welcome home dinner.

"Sure, sure, whatever." I waved my mom off, as she came in with a dishtowel. She had her hands placed on her hips, and snapped the towel at me.

"Don't speak to me like that young lady! Now, you're going to invite those nice boys over for dinner, and we're all going to have fun. Why don't you take your brother over there right now and invite them over for dinner."

If saying no was easy, I would have. But her suggestion was more of a demand than a suggestion. I didn't even bother complaining; I just went over to my brother and pulled at his arm.

"Mom says you need to meet the neighbors. She says it's important. She says you need to start having friends your own age," I added.

Peter looked down at me as he stood up from the sofa. "What the hell Billie? I've been gone for the past months and now you're trying to kick me out of the house?"

"Not me, _Mom_ is. She wants you to go and meet the neighbors. I really don't know why, but she told me to show you around the neighborhood. She even used her really stern voice, the kind she used when Dad left."

Pete knew the voice I was talking about, and agreed to let me take him on a tour of the neighborhood. He leaned over the arm of the sofa Bethany was laying on and kissed her forehead before going out the door with me.

"Okay, so what's so important that I have to see?" He asked me, as we walked down the street. "All I see are houses, and some lot."

"Honestly, I don't think any of it is important, Mom just wants you to meet the neighbors. You know how she is."

"Yeah." He looked up at the sky, looking all happy and whatnot. "I kinda missed that."

I shook my head, confused as to why _anyone_ would actually miss my mother's nagging. "Why would you _miss_ Mom's nagging? "

"You know Dad wanted you send you to military school," he said, and that shut me up real quick. I knew my dad _wanted_ to send me away to all types of schools. I remember he had all types of brochures lined up on the coffee table of our house, and he'd read each one all the time, trying to figure out which was the better school for me.

"Yeah, you told me that, like, fifty times. But what does that have to do with anything?" I asked, as Peter ignored me.

"You wouldn't have survived a day there, Billie-boy." I gave my brother a glare as he corrected himself. "Er….sis. Seriously, what's up with the whole chick thing?"

"It's not new. You were just never around."

"But God made you a man-," he started, but I never let him finish.

"No, God made me a girl trapped in a boy body. It's not as easy as it sounds, Pete. Contradicting to your belief, I didn't just wake up one day and was like' oh, I want to be a girl today.' It really did take me years to figure out. You never knew this, but when I was home alone as a kid, I used to play dress up with Mom's clothes."

Peter let out a small laugh. "We knew, kid. We knew all along. Mom always did notice half a tube of lipstick missing and the stains it left on your lips when you forgot to wipe it off. Mom would notice when her makeup was put back in the wrong tubs, and how her heels were never placed how she left them. We all knew you was different Billie, and I'm sorry for all the shit I had to give you about it when we was growing up."

"I know it was Dad's fault. I know Dad was making you believe what you said to me. I'm not stupid, Pete. You tried to be nice about it. I know you did."

"Billie, this is as hard for us as it is for you. I know you don't believe that, but it is. Mom and Dad both cried at the news. Dad yelled at Mom for being soft on you, and not pushing you. Dad always blames Mom, well, and you. You know he wrote me once when I was over there. I read the letter once," he said with a blank look on his face. "But I can remember it word for word. I remember the words he wrote, and he said some God awful things, Billie."

I don't think I've ever seen my brothers face so pale and blank looking. "W-what did he say?" I asked, not even knowing if I should have.

"I knew you were gonna ask that," he sighed, running his hand through his hair. "He said some God awful things. Things people should never say, let alone write. He told me I was a letdown, volunteering for the war like that. He said I should have been in school playing football at the university with the rest of my classmates. He didn't like my decision, Billie. But the worst part was, he wanted me to write him back describing what it was like to kill a man. He wanted me to explain to him how it felt, and then told me to make it feel better, to pretend that each person I was killing was a 'sick fuck' like you. He told me it was a joke, and not to tell Mom, but, I couldn't do it. He called you a 'sick fuck,' and told me he wanted you dead. I couldn't do it, Billie!"

Never in my life have I seen my brother breakdown like he was doing. His tough attitude was no longer there, and I don't think he cared who saw what anymore.

"Dad wanted me dead?" I asked, trying to take in what my brother was saying." He just nodded to me, unable to speak. "Does Mom know?"

He shook his head, and got his voice back. "And you ain't gonna tell her. Mom will go ape shit if she found out, and will try to sue Dad for all the money we don't have. And you ain't gonna tell Mom, because Dad will deny it all and then make up a bullshit excuse. Then he'll blame me, 'cause I'm the only one who supposedly knows. And it ain't gonna be pretty if he found out we told. I didn't know how sick minded he was until over there. You get a lot of thinking time when you're in a place like that, and you learn things you never thought you'd know about yourself."

"Like what?" I asked, as we walked towards the end of the block and turned around.

"Like a lot of stuff. It's hard to explain the emotions you have in a situation like that until you are actually there. I don't really like talking about it," he said quickly.

" Y'know Beth's baby ain't yours," I told him. "I hope you ain't mad."

"Nah, I knew. She told me about the night, and apologized over and over. I'm still gonna be that baby's daddy no matter what."

"Why are you getting married so quick?"

"'Cause Billie, when you've been in a situation like I have, you come to know what's important in life. And to me, that's havin' a family with Beth. Now who're these people we're supposed to meet?"

"They're the house across from ours, at the end of the block there. But what about money? Where will you guys live?"

"Beth's got some money for an apartment. We found one on the other side of town we're gonna move into after the wedding. I've still got some graduation money left over and military's gonna give me some to get me started. And I'll find a job or whatnot. Beth already got the baby stuff, so we don't have to worry about that. I've got it figured out."

"But who's gonna hire a 'Nam Vet? The country ain't exactly as patriotic about the war as they were when you left."

"Someone will, Billie. Just shut your trap about it, I'll worry when the time comes. Now, who're we meeting that's so damn important?"

"You'll see."

I led my brother up the pathway to the Curtis' house and rang the doorbell, something that wasn't used very often for their house.

I heard some muffle noises, an 'oh shit, is it today that the lady comes?', and some quick orders being yelled by Darry before Ponyboy made his way over to the door. "It's just Billie and some guy." I could hear him snort as he opened the door. "What, come to rub your new boy is Soda's face, Billie? He ain't gonna care."

I rolled my eyes, ignoring Peter's confused look. "Ponyboy, this is my brother Peter. Pete, this is our neighbor Ponyboy." The other two came to the door to see what was going on between Ponyboy and I. I guess someone told what happened in the cafeteria that day, because Darry didn't look thrilled to see me.

"Hello Billie," he said, and I just didn't want to look at him, or at Soda.

"Darry, Soda, this is my brother Peter. Pete, these are Ponyboy's brothers, Darry and Sodapop."

Peter raised his eyebrow waiting for me to tell him their real names. When I didn't even crack a smile, Peter reached out his hand to shake theirs.

"Hello," Peter said, as he shook both Soda and Darry's hands. "I'm Peter, and this is…" Peter's voice trailed off, looking for the right way to introduce me. "…Billie."

"Anyways," I interrupted my brother. "My mom wants to know if you wanna come over for Pete's welcome home dinner. Well, I can see you're clearly not interested, so, bye!" I was about the walk off the porch as Peter grabbed me by the collar of my shirt.

"Woah, Billie, they haven't even answered yet! Let them answer first! Sorry," Peter apologized." I don't know what….her problem is. So, my mom went a little overboard on the cooking and wanted to know if you'd care to join us. We know its last minute, and I'm sure my mother would understand if you had plans."

Peter waited for an answer, watching Darry look over at Soda and Ponyboy. The brothers had some sort of conversation without speaking, and agreed to something as Darry came over. "Sure, we'll come over for dinner."

"Great, we'll see you at seven, won't we Billie?"

"Yeah," I replied glumly, wanting to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear before remembering it was too short to do so. "Guess we will."

They closed the door as Peter stared at me the whole way back across the street. "What's wrong with you? Why're you being so rude?"

I looked down at my torn shoes and muttered something softly, avoiding the eye contact of my brother.

"What's that?" Peter asked, as he took his hand and lifted my chin up to his level. "Billie, I'm not going to judge you on who you are, and what you did. Those days are over. Now, tell me why you've been so rude to those guys across the street."

"Soda and I used to date," I said softly, waiting for my brother to make a disgusted face, or tell me how wrong that is. I was surprised to find that he made no reaction, and just nodded his head.

"So, Soda likes….um, boys? Billie, that don't bother me anymore. I've grown up."

"No, he don't like boys. That's why we _used_ to date."

"Oh," my brother said, as we both sat down onto the porch steps. "He found out your secret, didn't he?"

I nodded. "I thought he was different; I thought he liked me."

"Billie, this ain't all about you. You gotta know that your situation is gonna effect everyone around you, and not all reactions are gonna be positive. I know you like boys," he said that part uncomfortably, "but not all boys want to date a boy, even if they don't look like one."

"But I want what you and Beth have!" I confessed as tears fell down my cheeks. "Why is this so hard?"

"You'll find someone. There's someone out there for everyone, Billie."

"How do you know?"

"'Cause I just do." He smiled at me, and poked me in the side causing me to laugh.

I let out a loud screech, causing Mom to come outside.

"What's all this commotion?" She asked, opening the front door to see my brother and I on the front porch. She smiled at what she saw. "My boys," she cooed sitting on the top step placing her arms around us. "Both my babies are home." She placed a kiss on both our cheeks. "Oh, I should get my camera!" she exclaimed, getting up from where she was sitting. "This is much too precious."

"_Mom!"_ My brother and I complained in unison. We both got up from the porch before my mom could even get her camera from the closet.

She just shook her head with a smile. "Now wash up," she demanded. "The boys will be over any minute."

I grumped. I still didn't want them over.

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	20. Chapter 20

**_After this, there's 3 more chapters, than the prequel chapter. I just finished the last chapter like, today. I've also got a sequel planned, and I'm a few chapters into it. Having the final chapter written and finished makes me SO happy, but I won't bug you guys with these details. But I am going to plug in my other fic: _**_A Bleeding Heart Can Conquor every Crutch **which are stories about Soda and Sandy and their relationship. **_**_  
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**_Disclaimer:I do not own The Outsiders. All the characters except Billie and her family are owned by Susie Hinton. I just wish she'd let me borrow them for a movie adaption to my crazy fanfic universe...  
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**Chapter 20**

"Pass the potatoes, will ya hon?" My mother asked Ponyboy, whose ears turned pink at what my mom called him. "So Darrel, how's your job goin'?" She asked. "Petey's been needin' a job…" She trailed off, and I stopped paying attention.

So maybe the dinner was a scam for Mom trying to get Darry to put in a word for Pete. The thought left my mind when Beth opened her mouth and started a conversation with Ponyboy.

"So, Ponyboy, how old are you? Eleven, twelve?"

"Fourteen," he muttered and I snickered.

"Are you excited for high school? I know personally, high school was my favorite time in my life."

"Pony got bumped up a grade a few years back," Sodapop bragged and I slumped in my seat. I wasn't that smart, even if I did make okay grades before I dropped out.

"What about you, Billie? What grade are you going into?" Peter asked me and I went weak.

"Eleventh," I said, as my voice cracked.

"Billie dropped out," Bethany stated, and I swear if she wasn't pregnant, I would've kicked her so hard, it'd give her stomach pains for a week.

"Really?" Peter looked at me, and I tried to slouch lower. "Why?"

Everyone at the table stared at me.

"Yeah, _why?"_ Ponyboy asked, and I wanted to kick him square in the nuts. I wanted to get up and slam my door in anger and tell the Curtis boys to get the fuck out of my house, but I couldn't. Mom would go ape shit, and then everything would be ruined.

"I just did," I said quickly and looked at Beth. "How far along, are you?"

"Anytime now. " She patted her stomach. "The doctor says July, but I think it'll be here soon. We're hoping for a girl," she said smiling, and patted Peter's hand. "Isn't that right, Peter-Rabbit?" She smiled at him, causing Mom to smile.

Peter just blushed, and I looked over at Soda and Darry then back at my brother and cracked an imaginary whip. His face went redder and I think I even saw Darry laugh a little.

"Billie," Mom warned and I stopped.

"So, Darrel, do you know of any good gyms or stuff around here?"

"It's Darry," said Darry.

"My mother told me about your situation. I'm real sorry. If you, uh, ever need time away or someone or something, I'm over here."

I saw a smirk appear on Darry's lips. "If you ever need to get away from your wife," he joked and Peter laughed.

The way the two were communicating made them look like lifelong friends separated at birth. Both of them were laughing and smiling, talking about sports and all sorts of stuff I didn't have an interest in. I quietly excused myself and went into the living room to watch tv.

I turned on the tv and changed the channel to a rerun of _Gilligan's Island_ and slumped down on the sofa, watching the show. Halfway into the show, Sodapop came into the room and joined me on the sofa. He turned towards me and gave me his ever famous grin.

"Y'know, they never will get off that island."

I rolled my eyes. "How do you know? The show ain't over yet!"

"Billie, if they get off the island, the shows over. The show's makin' money. It won't be off anytime soon."

"You really came in here just to say that?"

"No."

"Then what?" I turned my body towards Sodapop. "Unless you wanna apologize."

"What do I gotta apologize for? I didn't do anything! I was completely honest the whole time."

"You ain't never told me about Sandy! You never told me how you fucked her, and how desperate you were when she left!"

"Sandy has nothing to do with this! She never lied to me about being a chick! You should be the one who apologizes!"

"Soda, I was _protecting_ myself! I was protecting myself from getting hurt! I've been hurt once before, and I thought by not telling, I'd be helping us!"

"You didn't," Soda snapped. "You made it worse!"

"Oh." My voice fell. "So, if I straight up told you I was mentally a chick, you would have liked me?"

"Maybe."

"So if I told you straight up, you would have dated me?"

"Well, no. I wouldn't have dated you, but I woulda liked you better."

"So, guys like it when I'm straight out honest?"

"I guess." Soda shrugged. "I do, at least."

"So now that you know, where does this leave us?" I asked. "Are we, you know?"

"I dunno, and no. Billie, I don't like guys. I already told you that."

"Are we friends, or what?"

"Maybe. I don't know, Billie."

"I don't want you out of my life, Soda. I don't mind that we're not dating, but I don't want you gone."

"You were a nice girl, Billie. You were different and that's what I liked about you, but I don't like boys. I'm sorry if I hurt you, but I don't regret my decision."

"I know you don't, and I don't blame you. I'm not asking for you to be my best friend or take me back, just, I don't know, be my friend."

"Billie, it isn't as easy as it sounds. We'll never be where we once were."

"Soda, I don't want us to be dating again, or whatever, I just want you to respect me as a person or whatever. Be friends or something."

Soda looked out the window and sighed. "Billie, I have to go. I work early tomorrow." He leaned over to kiss me on the cheek before remembering I was actually a guy and out stretched his hand.

I didn't shake his hand and sighed. "Goodbye, Soda." I watched him leave out the door with his brothers and sighed and went to go lay down in my bed.

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	21. Chapter 21

**_Thank you guys for the reviews! Well after this there's 2 more chapters, and then it's over. I have a bit of the sequel written, but I might post it. _**

**_Disclaimer:Don't own, don't sue.  
_**

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**Chapter 21**

Over the course of the next few weeks Darry and Pete actually got pretty close. They weren't best friends, or anything in a manner similar to that, but they did go to the gym or get a drink once or twice a week. I guess they could be considered man friends or something.

It was the first week of July, and Mom was out working. Peter was at a job interview with a construction company, and I was at home with Bethany, like usual. We were watching television, and it was almost time for lunch. I went upstairs for a few minutes to get something, but was greeted instead with a loud scream.

I rushed down the stairs to find Bethany holding on to her stomach, screaming.

"Billie!" She screamed at me, "Billie, get Petey!"

"But he's in the middle on an intervi-"

"NOW!" She shouted at me, and I flinched. I wasn't going to ruin my brother's job opportunities and pull him away from his interview, and instead called my mom. After all, she was a nurse and knew about pregnancies more than I did.

I got my mom on the phone, but since she was busy I could only talk to her for a few minutes. She told me to bring Bethany to the hospital as quickly as possible and that the baby was probably on its way. With no car to get to the hospital, I had to think of a way to get there.

There was no one home, and everyone I knew of that was home didn't have a car. I looked out the window, pacing around the front door again. When I saw a car pull up to the front the Curtis' house, I shouted at Beth that I'd be right back, and ran across the street.

I didn't even bother in knocking, and let myself inside. "Hello? Soda? Ponyboy? Darry? _Two-Bit?_" I called out all the names I could think of inside the house, waiting for an answer. "Someone?"

"_Billie?_" the voice asked. Ponyboy walked out half asleep. "It's ten in the morning, an' you're not even supposed to be over here."

"Whose car is parked out front?" I demanded.

"Two-Bit was gonna drive me to the movies…"

"Can he make a pit stop along the way?"

"I dunno, ask him. He's coming in the door right now."

"Two-Bit!" I called to him," Can you drive me someplace?"

He looked at me puzzled. "Why're you over with Ponyboy alone? Didn't Soda not want you two alone?"

"It's a weird story; I just _need_ a ride somewhere! It's an emergency!"

"Where to?"

"Can you drive me to the hospital? My brother's girlfriend's pregnant and I think she's in labor!"

"Uh Billie, I don't think I can…"

"Please," I begged him. "Please, Two-Bit. I _need_ to drive her there, and I have no ride and she needs to get there really soon!"

"Alright, alright, don't have a pony."

"Great! I'll go get Beth!"

I ran out the front door, and into my house, snatching my brother's girlfriend.

"Billie! I can't walk very fast! Billie! Where're you taking me?"

"Car…hospital..." I panted rushing her over to the Curtis house. I brought her over to Two-Bit's car, putting her in the front seat.

"Billie, I don't think this car..."

"Get in the fucking car!" I shouted at her, not giving her anytime to protest.

I crawled into the back seat and told Two-Bit the address of the hospital my mom worked at. It was a slow commute, and we got there about a half hour later. Luckily, Beth's baby didn't come out yet, and we still had time. I went straight up to the desk and told the receptionist.

She just nodded her head and wasn't panicking like I was. I thanked Two-Bit for the ride as he and Ponyboy left and a nurse led Bethany into a hospital room. Since she was in the hospital room prepping, there wasn't much I could do. My mom ended up going into Beth's room and being her nurse, and a few hours later Peter got there.

There wasn't much to do when waiting in a hospital. I sat on the waiting room chairs, and entertained myself in the simplest ways possible. The minutes went slow, and the hours went slower. I lost complete track of time and it wasn't until late in the afternoon when Peter came out of the room. "The doctor said probably within the next hour," he told me. "I just stopped to go to the bathroom."

"Okay." I shrugged.

I went back to lying down on the waiting room chair, only to be awoken by Peter twenty minutes later.

"Billie! Billie, come here!" he pulled at me. "Billie, she's here! It's a girl!" He exclaimed softly," It's a baby girl! Her name's Angela Louise. She's currently in the incubation room, you can go see her if you want. I'm getting Bethany some pudding."

I just nodded watching my brother go towards the cafeteria to get Bethany some food. I quietly made my way over to the room and looked into the glass. There in a small bundle of pink was my brother's new daughter, and my new niece. She was sleeping, so I doubt she even saw me, or heard my very tiny whispers.

I kept walking slowly down the line of babies, looking at all of them. They were cute, and I hoped one day I could have a baby of my own, even if I could never give birth. I kept on walking down the line when I bumped into someone.

"Sorry," I apologized quickly, not bothering to look at the guy. When I looked up, I gave a weak smile seeing his bright blue eyes.

"It's okay," he apologized back. "It's not your fault. Which one's your baby?"

I let out a small laugh. "Niece. She's my niece. Angela Louise Clark. My brother's fiancée had her. What about you, what baby's yours?"

"New sister. Gloria Maureen Gaylon."

"Sounds nice," I replied smiling at him. "I'm Billie."

"My name's James, but my friends call me Jimmy."

"Do you want to go to the cafeteria with me and get some food?"

"Sure," he replied giving me a weak grin. I took in his appearance as we went to the cafeteria to get some food. He had bright piercing blue eyes and dark brown hair. I couldn't tell if he was a Soc or a Greaser, and I didn't really care to be honest. As long as he was a nice guy, I didn't care what social class he was from.

We sat in the cafeteria eating our food when he shifted in his chair and avoided looking at me. "Uhm, Billie. This is really nice an' all, but I'm not lookin' for a girlfriend or nothin' right now."

"Did you go through a bad breakup or something?"

"Billie, I'm not going to give a complete stranger my life story."

"I'm not a stranger, and I just wanted to know." I knew I was pestering the guy, but might as well learn as much about him as much as I can, while I can.

"Billie, let's just say girls aren't my prime focus right now."

"So you like boys," I asked him as a devious grin appeared across my lips. "That'll make everything a load easier."

"What do you mean?"

"I have a secret too," I said to Jimmy softly. "A pretty big one at that. I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours."

Jimmy looked at me strangely. "I'm not going to tell someone I hardly know a big secret of mine."

"I'm not a girl," I confessed. I was doing what Soda said I should do and be upright honest. Honestly, I didn't think I'd ever see this guy again if I didn't want to, so it couldn't hurt to tell him. Jimmy's face turned a deep shade of red at my confession.

"Then what are you? Some sort of man-chick?"

I sighed. "Mentally I'm a female, physically, well; science hasn't gone that far yet."

Jimmy let out a shy smile, and I melted inside when I saw his crooked toothy smile. He was so imperfect looking, and I wanted to get to know him more. He had this hidden charm in him I was dying to find more about.

"So, you're a boy?" Jimmy asked and I just shyly nodded my head. "With boy parts an' all?" He asked, and I nodded again.

"Everything down there is the same as every other boy," I said then added, "or most. My birth name was William and I'm still biologically considered a man, even though I know I'm not. Will this be a problem?"

Jimmy just looked lost. "Uhm, I don't know…" he trailed off. "This is kinda awkward, Billie. I don't even really know you, and here you are confessing all these secrets."

"It won't be awkward, I promise. If you like boys like I think you do, then none of this will be a problem!"

"I really don't know. It's just so…weird."

"This can really work. Think about it. You get all the benefits of dating a guy, but everything will work like you're dating a girl!" I explained. I tried to ease him into the idea. I had some strange feeling he liked boys; maybe it was because I feel like I was in the same spot as he was. Without someone like me, that is.

"Well…" He trailed off again, not knowing what to say.

"You like boys, don't you?" I asked him in a whisper.

He looked at me, shifting his eyes and darting his head back and forth. When no one else was around him, he nodded his head slowly. "I do like boys. My ex, he didn't really like boys. He thought he did, but he didn't. He broke it off as soon as this girl came to town."

"Oh. My ex, he…he didn't know I was a boy. He thought I was a girl, and then one day he tried to get in my pants and well, that was the end of that," I stated softly. I looked down at the floor trying to avoid eye contact.

"Billie," he said. "I know you probably ain't pulling my leg, but I can't be too sure. How do I know you're not some girl who's not getting any? Or worse, some girl who's trying to convert me away from the devil. Did my mother put you up to this? "

First, I get dumped because I _want_ to be a girl. Then, I get dumped for not having female parts. Now, I'm about to get dumped because I could be a girl? Men can be such idiots.

"I'm not religious," I state. "And I'm not here to convert anyone. Do you know how _hard_ it is to find a guy that _wants_ to be with a guy? Or a guy that would date a _person_ like me?" I feel my eyes welling up and the tears leaking out.

He's falling for my tears and sighs. "Okay," he said, writing down a number. "I'll pick you up tomorrow night."

I smile to myself as he walks away.

I'm getting my way.

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	22. Chapter 22

_**Sorry for the big gap between updates...(is there one?) Well, we're up to one more chapter after this, and then the prologue (Which is already up :) Check it out if you want...**_**But**_** only if you can handle gay sex. **_

___**Disclaimer: I really don't own the Outsiders. I promise.  
**_

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**Chapter 22**

First dates are always nerve racking, especially when you really like somebody. But here I was going with a boy who _likes_ boys, and someone I hardly knew. He could be pulling my leg about liking boys, but at this point, I was so desperate to date, I didn't care who he was. I was straightening the bow I placed in my short black locks as Peter came into my room.

"Hey Bill, can I ask you something?"

"What?" I replied, not taking my eyes off my appearance in the mirror. "Can this hurry, I've got a date tonight."

"It won't take long, it's just a question. What do you want to be in the wedding?" He asked.

"What do you mean? I thought I was going to be your best man or something."

"If you want to, you can be. Beth and I were talking it over, and we're going to let you either be the best man, or a bridesmaid. It's up to you."

"But what about family?" I asked. I knew if certain family was invited then I'd get hell all over again. My grandparents don't talk to me anymore, and neither does most of my family. I'm the forgotten child in the family.

"I didn't invite many, only the family I think are important. "

"Which is?" The family he deems important could very well be the very family that hates me.

"I told you," Pete sighed. "I'm only inviting the family that's accepting of you. Which to be honest, isn't many. Do you want to be a bridesmaid or best man? It's up to you. If you don't want to be my best man, I'll pick someone else."

"I'll be a bridesmaid," I said suddenly, not expecting myself to say the words I did. "If that's okay with you," I added, a bit embarrassed.

"Nah, I don't care," he said, shrugging. "It was my idea, not Beth's. She wanted the wedding to be very traditional, but I know that wouldn't work out. I don't want Dad there, so you're okay, and all the relatives I invited were fine with your decision. "

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," he replied annoyed. "I'm sure. Now go back to your date thing." He left the room and left me to get ready for my date.

I fixed my green bow I got to match the new dress I bought for "my sister" and brushed my hair one last time to make sure it looked good for my date.

I was nervous about seeing Jimmy again. Not only did he like boys like me, he knew everything about me, and I hardly knew him.

"Come on in, James," I heard my mother say, opening the door. "Billie's upstairs in her room. She'll be down in a minute."

I pulled on an old pair of Pete's Chuck Taylors and laced them up. I knew it didn't match my dress, and wasn't anything dainty and girly, but I wanted to be prepared for anything Jimmy wanted me to do.

"Hi Billie," he said as I walked into the living room. "Ready to go?"

"You two have fun," my mom said as she waved us off. "I can't wait to spend time with my grandbaby." As soon as we left the house I could hear Mom going to the kitchen pulling out pots and pans. I figured she was going to heat the baby's bottle up. It was a task she was thrilled to do.

"So where're we going?" I asked him as we walked down the street.

He shrugged. "Anywhere I guess. Wanna grab a bite to eat? I know of this place, and I think there's a fair at some field across town."

Jimmy walked me to the Dingo and I knew there was trouble when I saw Two-Bit, Ponyboy, and Sodapop all standing around outside.

"And then I told her, stick by me baby, and you'll-" Two-Bit stopped midsentence and stared at me. "Well if it ain't little miss Billie goat. What's hangin' baby?"

I bit on my lip, wanting to avoid being around all these guys.

"Nothing, Two-Bit," I managed to say. "I'm just here with a friend."

"Looks more like a _boy_friend to me," Two-Bit said with a smirk. Ponyboy snickered at the word boyfriend. Something tells me he knows.

"Well that's just great," Soda says, trying to keep the situation all positive-sounding. I could sense Jimmy's confusion and let out a sigh.

"Jimmy, this is Two-Bit, Sodapop, and Ass-I mean Ponyboy. Them two are brothers," I said, pointing at Soda and Ponyboy. "If you couldn't tell. And yes, those aren't nicknames."

"Would you like to eat with us?" Jimmy asked. "We were just gonna grab a bite then head out to the fair."

"Why, we'd _love_ to!" Two-Bit and Ponyboy smirked. I could feel the awkwardness between Soda and I and I was almost glad when he said he had to run back to work.

We grabbed a seat as the waitress snapped her bubble gum. "What can I get'cha?" She asked, scratching down something Ponyboy said.

I didn't want to eat much, so I just ordered burger, fries, and a shake. I didn't talk much during dinner, and neither did Jimmy. I guess his kind gesture made him feel as awkward as it did to me. In fact, the conversation was just a bunch of simple questions and was going nowhere until Ponyboy gave me a glare from across the table.

"It's all your fault," he said annoyed.

"Pardon?" I didn't know what the hell he was talking about. What was my fault? Soda? My gender? I had no idea what he was talking about until he finished his sentence.

"Because of you I'm going to have to spend three hours at some dumb wedding when I could be doing something better," he said bitterly.

Oh. _That's _what this is about. My mom sent out wedding invites to the neighbors we were close to, and I guess Darry got one and is making him go.

"He isn't even supposed to be in the wedding. Isn't the best man supposed to be _your_ job?" Ponyboy asked me with a smirk. I was so glad Soda wasn't there because then I knew something bad would happen.

"That's the _boy's_ job," I corrected. "And I'm not a boy, in case you forgot," I said as steadily as I could, but deep inside I was scared to shit that he knew.

"Oh," Ponyboy said. "And you never told me why in gym class-"

I cut him off quickly. "Wanna go, Jimmy?" I asked nervously. "After all, we mustn't be late for the fair!" I could feel the sweat beaming down my face as Jimmy gave me a glance, sensing my uncomfort.

"Sure," he said awkwardly. "Anyways, it was nice to meet you," he replied, with an outstretched hand.

"Oh! But we're going to the fair too!" Ponyboy exclaimed with a shit eating grin. "That's where we were headin', right Two-Bit?"

"Yep!" he grinned, "I promised my sis I'd get her one of those goldfish in a bag."

"We'll meet you then," Jimmy replied uncertain.

"Yeah," I said. "We'll see you later." With that the two of us hurried out the front door of the restaurant.

"Are all your friends that awkward, Billie?"

"I guess," I replied with a shrug. "I mean, all my Tulsa friends are. If they're even considered friends, that is."

"Where'd ya say you was from?"

"Chicago. I lived there up until last January. Mom found a job here and the rest is well, this."

"It fun up there?" He asked.

"Honestly, I've had more adventure in Tulsa. But I loved the Chicago life. Can't get deep dish pizza here," I joked.

"True. So what do you like to do?" He asked, then corrected himself immediately. "For fun. Not that. Unless that is your fun."

I grinned. It was the first time in ages I heard a guy make a queer-sex joke that wasn't degrading.

"Nothing much," I replied with a shrug. To be honest, I didn't do much unless it involved my brother, Sodapop, or the baby. "And you?"

His eyes twinkled at what he said. "I love music. I play guitar and I would love to make music a career. Too bad everything on the radio is rank."

"Everything?"

"Yes. But then, most don't think I have good taste. Most of my music is fast pace and will never make it to the radios. Or hell would explode."

I shook my head, smiling as we walked to onto the fair grounds. "I'm sure your music is interesting."

He laughed. "It sure is. Do you, do you want to go play a game or something? I'm not the most athletic person, but I know how to do a good ring toss."

"Sure," I said with a smile, following him to the booth. He paid a dollar to the guy running the booth, and threw some balls. I watched him miss a few shots before I cracked a joke.

"What's the matter? I thought you were good with balls."

His face turned red. "_Billie_!" Jimmy paid another dollar to get some more shots. He threw the ball again and after six tries he finally knocked down the milk jug.

"What's the matter? I thought balls were your specialty?" A snarky boy by the name of Ponyboy said. I rolled my eyes and placed my hands on my hips.

"You wouldn't say that to any other female in the universe, so why me? Don't even start with your shit, Ponyboy. Just leave me the fuck alone, and I'll do the same to you. Christ," I muttered and Pony glared.

"It'll be nice when you're in Hell, _Queer."_

"Just shut the fuck up, Ponyboy! Jesus Christ! Leave me the fuck alone and I'll stop talking to you. I'm trying to live my fucking life and you're fucking in the god damn fucking way!"

"Come on, James," I snapped, as he followed behind, uneasy.

"Is that your ex?" he asked softly, and I shook my head hard.

"It's his little brother. My ex is _a lot_ sweeter than him. Ponyboy's just messed up in the head is all. Sexually confused. You know how closet cases are," I added with a tease.

He smiled, and I melted again when I saw his crooked teeth. "I wouldn't know, I'm dating a female."

I was taken aback. "Excuse me?"

"Well, we are dating, right?" He asked, and I bit on my lip. My insides were begging for me to say yes, but I couldn't bring myself to speak. He had everything I thought Soda was, plus he actually liked men. I nodded my head stiffly.

We got on to the Ferris Wheel and sat down. "There ain't nothin' boy about you except your genitals, Billie. You ain't more manly than my mother, or my new sister, or anything. I never thought I could be with a girl, but this- it can work. I really like you, Billie Joe."

"Um, it's Rebecca. Billie Rebecca. Not Joe. That's just…no."

He laughed." It's just a nickname. No one would ever really be named Billie Joe. So, um, do we like, kiss or something?"

I grinned, leaning into kiss him, as he kissed back.

Those sparks that came with Soda were nothing compared to this. At the end of the ride he held my hand and walked me home the entire way. We swapped phone numbers and addresses and he kissed me again.

I went to bed that night feeling so confident in myself, I couldn't believe it.

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**_The Billie Joe line was put in for my own amusement. Haha. ... Big Green Day fan. Actually, there are lots of Green Day references in this story. And surprisingly, they fit in the story nicely and don't mess up the 60's vibe. Major props if you can find them :) And sorry for the rambles...  
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